When your child dies, it defies the natural order of things. Confuses the senses. Logical becomes illogical. You begin to question everything you ever knew about life.
A mother’s arms should never be that empty. It changes her in ways she can’t explain or comprehend.
I remember trying to prepare myself for what life would be like after… without my 7-year old son. It is nothing like I imagined it would be. There is no way to begin to comprehend the depths of a loss like that until you are drowning in it.
Related: Life After Loss: I Didn’t Want to, I Had To
It’s hard for others to witness. They want to “fix it” and help ease our pain any way that makes sense to them. People are conditioned to offer “conventional” solutions like faith, prayers and bible verses. Religion and death are thought to go hand-in-hand.
But what if they don’t?
That is my reality, anyway. Their offerings all felt hollow and meaningless. I had to search for my own means of making sense. My solace came from a more unconventional, surprising source: medium readings.
There is a stigma in connecting with the dead. The idea that we are desperate, grieving mothers willing to cling to anything a medium tells us. Even giving away hints and accepting generalities. I assure you this is not how any of my readings were.
The information that came through, they had no way of knowing. Things that were never publicly shared. I was even granted answers to questions I only asked my son in my head. There is no way to communicate the level of comfort that came from their words. Validation in things I was thinking, feeling, experiencing… he was still here.
Just as the idea of loss is different from the reality, there is a difference between believing in “heaven” and the possibility of something after death versus really knowing there is something after death. It’s what I needed. Connecting with my son gave me the proof I would never have had otherwise.
Related: Connections
My connection to him was renewed. In that first reading, I realized my relationship with my son continues beyond death. I just had to open myself up to see his signs and hear his messages.
Grief does begin to heal when you least expect it. It can also do so in the most unconventional ways. Our lives were turned upside down. It only makes sense that we be willing to look in unexpected places to make sense of it. Be open to new ways. Be willing to ignore what other’s offer up and seek your own way.
Grief doesn’t make sense. It only seems natural that the ways in which we heal that grief may not make sense either.
Photo Credit: Lerkrat Tangsri | Pexels
Emily is the founder of After Child Loss and author of the book Confessions of Child Loss. On Christmas 2015, her 7-year-old son died unexpectedly. As every bereaved parent knows, life spiraled out of control, and she found herself going through the motions of a life she didn’t recognize or want. Today, Emily is a grief coach. She empowers other parents with tools and support to help them take the next step forward. She shares all the things that helped on her journey as she learned to carry this grief in a healthier way and find the place where grief and life coexist.
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