When your child dies, it defies the natural order of things. Confuses the senses. Logical becomes illogical. You begin to question everything you ever knew about life.
A mother’s arms should never be that empty. It changes her in ways she can’t explain or comprehend.
I remember trying to prepare myself for what life would be like after… without my 7-year old son. It is nothing like I imagined it would be. There is no way to begin to comprehend the depths of a loss like that until you are drowning in it.
It’s hard for others to witness. They want to “fix it” and help ease our pain any way that makes sense to them. People are conditioned to offer “conventional” solutions like faith, prayers and bible verses. Religion and death are thought to go hand-in-hand.
But what if they don’t?
That is my reality, anyway. Their offerings all felt hollow and meaningless. I had to search for my own means of making sense. My solace came from a more unconventional, surprising source: medium readings.
There is a stigma in connecting with the dead. The idea that we are desperate, grieving mothers willing to cling to anything a medium tells us. Even giving away hints and accepting generalities. I assure you this is not how any of my readings were.
The information that came through, they had no way of knowing. Things that were never publicly shared. I was even granted answers to questions I only asked my son in my head. There is no way to communicate the level of comfort that came from their words. Validation in things I was thinking, feeling, experiencing… he was still here.
Just as the idea of loss is different from the reality, there is a difference between believing in “heaven” and the possibility of something after death versus really knowing there is something after death. It’s what I needed. Connecting with my son gave me the proof I would never have had otherwise.
My connection to him was renewed. In that first reading, I realized my relationship with my son continues beyond death. I just had to open myself up to see his signs and hear his messages.
Grief does begin to heal when you least expect it. It can also do so in the most unconventional ways. Our lives were turned upside down. It only makes sense that we be willing to look in unexpected places to make sense of it. Be open to new ways. Be willing to ignore what other’s offer up and seek your own way.
Grief doesn’t make sense. It only seems natural that the ways in which we heal that grief may not make sense either.
Photo Credit: Lerkrat Tangsri | Pexels
Emily is a wife and mother to 3 children – 2 girls here 1 son in heaven. Late Christmas Eve (2015) life was sent on a new, unexpected trajectory. Her oldest child, Cameron (forever 7), unexpectedly got sick. Within 24-hours they were making the hardest decision of their lives to withdraw life support. As he died in her arms, she promised to find a way to live on in his honor.
She began sharing her grief journey on her blog (JustPlayingHouse.com), and the response from other bereaved parents was overwhelming. Feedback resonated that the support out there seemed to focus on infant/baby loss and miscarriage versus older children. She felt this was an opportunity and calling to help fill in that gap. Her passion is supporting other bereaved parents walking this path and educating others in an attempt to shatter the stigma surrounding grief and life after child loss. Writing has been the foundation of Emily’s healing, and she is currently working on her first book.
Facebook Page: fb.com/emilyjph