If you were to ask someone who hasn’t gone through a death of their child, which three days they would pick to remember, if that was all they could keep, I wonder what they would choose? We didn’t get a choice, which sucks. Big time. Our three days with Leo weren’t enjoying a sunshine filled day in…
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We Couldn’t Live There Anymore
Continue...Re-entering the real world after our daughter died was painful. Simple trips to the grocery store became a minefield of grief. It was so emotional to recount our loss to the unknowing cashier and felt devastating to see others avoid us only to scurry down another aisle. It wasn’t only the grocery store that was…
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Before and After: Getting To Know The New Me
Continue...When I look back at photos now, I can always tell if they were taken before or after we lost Benjamin. The “before” me had a glint in her eye. She was relaxed and had an innocence about her that I can only feel jealous of now. Life had not yet taken its toll. Then you look…
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Choosing to Stop Trying for More (Living) Children
Continue...In case no one has ever said this to you, I want you to know – It’s okay to stop trying. For children. For living children. For more children. Even if you have never been able to get pregnant. Even if all of your babies died and you don’t have any living children. Even if…
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One More (Life)Time
Continue...I am painfully aware of your stillness now, And now that I’ve noticed, I can’t un-notice. It’s an overwhelming stillness… A nothingness that means everything, – that changes everything. One more time, 2 pink lines will end in heartbreak. One more time, caught off-guard, an empathetic professional has said, “I’m so sorry…” One more time,…
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Child Loss Is Never Funny
Continue...Child loss is never funny. Before losing a child, I didn’t realize how many storylines involve this topic. Of course, most are tragic, meant to evoke emotion. Yet some, for reasons unexplainable to me, use it for humor. I remember being cautious about watching television after losing our son and checking ahead for triggers in the…
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To The Mother Whose Son Killed Mine – Don’t Compare My Grief To Yours
Continue...On the first day of the trial, as you stood nervously outside the Court, alone, waiting to enter through the double doors, I felt your pain, your isolation. Two years before, you had sent me a condolence letter. I was grateful that you’d acknowledged my loss. So, taking a deep breath, I walked slowly towards…
