Just over three months ago, my husband and I welcomed our third daughter, our rainbow baby. While awaiting her birth, I was thrilled about the color she would certainly restore to our world, but I was not naive. I had experienced sufficient life after loss to understand that the birth of my rainbow would neither…
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Getting A Handle On Falling Apart
Continue...Onward I drove, hopping curbs, white knuckles gripping the steering wheel, accelerating to fifty miles an hour, heading just three streets away, arriving too late. He was gone. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome had stolen life from my six-month-old son, Cullin, leaving this mama broken, scared, and out of my mind with grief. I was living…
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I Am A Broken Record
Continue...I am a broken record. In just a few months, it will have been TEN years since my twins were born and died. And for each and every one of those years, I feel like I have been stuck on repeat. “But, they died!” seems like my answer to everything. “But wait! I have a…
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How I Continue To Parent My Son Since His Death
Continue...When you have a baby, heck – when you find out you are expecting a baby, parental instincts kick in. Instincts to protect them, to nurture them, to help them grow, and to encourage them to leave their unique mark on this world. When a baby dies, that biological instinct does not go away. That…
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Recording Every Second
Continue...Confession time: I am a picture-taking addict. It’s become a bit ridiculous, actually, according to my daughter. She has grown up with a camera always at hand in her Mama’s bag and has no problem telling me to knock it off. Not that I do, I take pictures more covertly. From the moment she was…
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A Grief Like No Other
Continue...Words that were meant to console and comfort but missed the mark were a part of raw grief. “Give it time. It’ll get better,” I was told as I struggled to breathe within the nightmare that was my new normal. Haven’t we all been there? The well-meaning friends supporting us as we stand shell-shocked following…
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How My Life Changed With Grief
Continue...Before Melody died, there was never a lot of thought of just how such a tiny person could change every part of our lives. Her death shook us to the very core. We were left confused; blinded by her loss. We couldn’t concentrate or focus on a lot other than surviving each day; trying to…
