When you are a member of the infertility community, you hear all these stories from everybody telling you about the friend of a friend who got pregnant doing this or that. In the beginning, you allow yourself to hold onto those stories for hope. You hope that you will be that lucky person who has the same outcome. However, from my experience, I learned I was NEVER that lucky person. I refer to these stories as Infertility Urban Myths because to me that is what they are.
Urban Myth #1
“The woman who found out she was pregnant right before her fertility doctor appointment.” – We have all heard of someone who has been this person. For me, I know several women who were this woman. They finally made the fertility doctor appointment only to find out, right before, that they were pregnant. This urban myth was a major motivation for me making an appointment with the fertility doctor. I hoped I would be THAT person. Unfortunately, I learned that I’m not. No positive test before my appointment.
Related: When Infertility And Miscarriage Hurt The Child Left Behind
Urban Myth #2
“The woman who gets pregnant after having her HSG.” – After I learned I wasn’t going to be urban myth #1 and that I had to move forward with the HSG test, I held onto hope that it would “clear out the cobwebs” and I would get pregnant after the test. I knew of a few woman who said after having this test performed, they got pregnant that same cycle. Oh, let it be me! I don’t want to subject myself to this test but if it means I get pregnant it will be worth it. Sadly, yet again, it was not me.
Urban Myth #3
“The woman who had implantation bleeding.” – I think every single woman who has struggled to conceive told themselves this was them when they started showing signs of their period. Literally, every single month I would think to myself, “maybe it’s implantation bleeding”. EVERY MONTH! Yet, every month it was always my period on its way. I have been pregnant two times and each time I did not have any implantation bleeding. Even knowing this fact and my pregnancy history, I still continued to trick myself into thinking maybe this time it really was implantation bleeding and I was pregnant.
Through my infertility experience, I learned that I was never any of these women. I tried to convince myself that I was, only to have that hope crushed when I wasn’t. This is why I refer to them as infertility urban myths. They were all things that happened to others but never to me. No matter how many times life proved to me that I would never be one of these urban myth women, I still allowed myself to have hope that maybe I would be one day.
Related: 30+ Ways Life Sucks After Infertility and Loss
That’s the thing about infertility, each month you board that rollercoaster of emotions. History has not given you any reason to believe that this month will be any different, and yet you still have hope that it will be. If that hope didn’t exist, we wouldn’t continue to board the ride month after month, year after year. That hope is what keeps us going through the negative tests, the chemical pregnancies, the miscarriages, and the losses. So if you need to allow yourself to believe you could be one of these “infertility urban myths” in order to keep trying and pressing onward, do it. You never know, you could be the next “the woman who got pregnant…..”
Amy Lied is a wife and a mother to her son, Asher, who was inexplicably born still on February 19th, 2017 and twin daughters. Before losing Asher, she suffered a miscarriage and struggled with unexplained infertility. She has documented her journey from the beginning of her infertility struggles on her blog, Doggie Bags Not Diaper Bags. She is also a co-founder of The Lucky Anchor Project , an online resource for loss families that houses an Etsy store whose profits are donated to loss family non-profit organizations. She hopes to help others by sharing her journey as she continues to navigate the bumpy road that is life after loss.