Grieving after the loss of a loved one is indisputably difficult for everyone. Everyone experiences loss in a different way, which is why tensions can build after the death of a loved one. Differences of opinion and misunderstanding of how someone grieves can lead to unnecessary pressure and frustration on those grieving. The bottom line is, grief is a tricky thing. If you feel like you’re having a hard time coping with your grief, just know that many people go through the same thing everyday. You aren’t wrong to feel what you’re feeling. Although nothing can truly take the pain away from losing a loved one, there are some things you and your family can do if you’re feeling completely overwhelmed.
Give Yourself Time & Take Time for Yourself
Even if you try to prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one (in the case of severe illness), it always comes as a shock. Take time to be alone or with your family to begin to process such a monumental event. Find a place that you feel comfortable with and allow yourself to acknowledge all of the emotions you’re feeling.
Often times, with funeral planning, decisions need to be made quickly, but this doesn’t mean your feelings are suddenly invalid. This is a great time to ask those close to you to take care of specific tasks. If you’d prefer not to see anyone right away, let your support circle know so they can best assist with your beginning stages of grief.
It’s crucial to note that you shouldn’t forget to take care of yourself. During an unexpected whirlwind, you may start to overlook time for yourself because there is so much to be done, but understanding and starting to cope with the loss is just as important (if not more) as planning and arrangements. Neglecting these basic needs can lead to serious mental and physical consequences. Self care is not optional when grieving.
Lean on Your Friends & Family
Once you do feel comfortable enough to talk and make some decisions, it’s imperative that you continue to lean on your support system when you need it. If you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed, take a break. If you aren’t sure how to take on a certain task, ask someone close to you to help you with the issue.
As we grieve, most of us tend to feel varying stages of emotion. So, just because you feel great at one point, doesn’t mean you will later, and that’s okay and perfectly natural. The better you can communicate how you are feeling with those around you, the better they will be able to help you with what you need.
In addition, it’s not always easy to pin down how you are feeling and tell others exactly what’s on your mind. For these times, it might be good to take some time to reflect alone for a few minutes or with one person that is close to you. Even if you feel like you’re not able to relay the information clearly, that person can act as a conduit and relay the information if necessary. Not to mention, telling your feelings to a group of people isn’t always appealing. Sometimes you might just need one person to be there for you.
Don’t Do Anything You Aren’t Ready For
As time goes on you may be asked to go through your loved one’s personal possessions or allocate inheritances according to your loved one’s will. As I stated before, don’t be in a rush to overwhelm yourself with things you’re not ready for. Reach out to those closest to you if there are certain tasks you aren’t ready for.
If you’d prefer that you be there to go through personal things, like possessions, but just aren’t ready to do so, check with your support circle to see if it’s necessary to complete the task immediately. Find out a timeline on these tasks so you can be present for the ones that are most important to you.
In addition, there is no timeline on grief. Don’t judge yourself for needing more or less time to process your feelings. If you’re not ready to move on to the next stage, just say so and try your best to feel okay with that. Often, we are our own harshest critic. We push ourselves to be the best that we can be, which is natural, but during this delicate time, it’s okay to need a little extra time. It’s okay to not feel at your 100% best after the death of a loved one.
Just remember that you know yourself best. If you feel like something is wrong and you might need help to get back on track, tell someone. There’s no shame in talking to a friend or family member or reaching out to a counselor. You are only human and can only handle so much.
There isn’t a handbook or rules that come along with loss. It’s important to remember this after the loss of a loved one. Everyone needs unique things after something devastating happens. So, just know that you’re doing your best and you have people who love and support you completely. Talk with your partners in support about what you need and how they can better support you. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Guest post by Trisha Miller
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