It’s amazing, isn’t it? That such a tiny, fragile baby could effect everything. You did it though. All 3 pounds 14 ounces of you completely changed who I am and will be, forever. You made me a mother, not being able to take you home does not change that. Losing you was the hardest trial I have ever gone through in life, and I suspect it always will be. However, in the darkest hour, our love for one another shined light upon our faces. Even now, I look around at the pictures of you, silent and still, and I am confident you knew that my love for you is unsurpassed.
Thanks to you, I mother your little brother with all I have inside me. I can be grateful in the hardest moments of motherhood because I am fully aware of how blessed I am. I keep going always, for you and for him, because I owe it to you both to be all I can be. Two perfect little boys, one to remember and one to raise, those are my children.
Owing it all to you, I have reached out to other bereaved parents, despite being relatively introverted. I have raised awareness for child loss and tried to bring comfort to the suffering of others. Any impact I have made on their grief, is all thanks to you. I have shared our story and connected with people with whom the only thing we may have in common, is the passing of our precious children.
Because of you, I have known true sorrow and true joy. My emotions run deeper than ever before. I know I was meant for motherhood, even if loss accompanied it. You are worth everything I’ve endured and more. If I had to choose between never having known this love for you and never having had to lose you or having everything happen exactly as it did, I would pick you a thousand times. There is no question I would always decide on you, for it is out of love grief is born.
I owe everything to you, my firstborn son, and I will continue to take strides in your honor. It is an honor to call you mine.
Guest post by Kaitlyn James