Guest Post by Sean and Kiley Hanish
Nine years ago today we were eagerly anticipating the birth of our first son. We bought a house in a good school district, decorated his room, and couldn’t wait to meet our boy who was due mid-summer. It was an exciting and beautiful time for the three of us.
Little did we know that that was the only way we would know our son—reading to him while he pushed his arm (or was it his foot?) against Kiley’s bulging beautiful belly, taking long walks with him in our new neighborhood, and including him in the plans we were making for the rest of our lives.
All of that died on July 11, 2005 with the words “I’m so sorry, but there’s no heartbeat.”
We were destroyed. Our lives a wasteland of, “What ifs?”. It felt like the end. A nightmare of broken dreams.
What we never realized is that day was also a beginning of sorts. The beginning of a new life, a new perspective, a new way of being in the world.
My wife and I chose to remember our son by making a film—just as so many in our community remember their children in unique, meaningful and special ways with the gifts and talents they have been given. It just so happens that our way of memorializing our son was to do what I have loved since I was a child—make a movie. We thought maybe that could be our small contribution to the world in his memory. Our way to make a small dent in the universe.
Never could we have imagined this result–the media attention and the community who has surrounded this film and breathed life into this project is beyond our wildest imagination.
Today, as most of you know, is the global premiere of “Return to Zero”. It is a very important day for us and for so many around the world. But despite the media, despite the red carpet and stars—it’s still just the story of a boy who was loved and lost far, far too early. And we miss him every single day. Would we give up everything we have achieved in order to have one day with our son? Of course. All of us would make the same choice because we are parents first.
Many people have asked us what we hope to achieve with the film. The answer is simple: we want people to know that they aren’t alone in their pain and grief. There is a community of us out here who have gone through the hell that you have… and we want to help each other. Even if it’s just lending an ear or a shoulder, we’ve been there—we all have–and, as Dr. Claire says in the film, ‘There is life after this.’ We can help show you the way when you’re ready.
There’s also a message for people who know someone who’s been through this kind of loss, as well: We can help our loved ones get through (not over) it. Helping them to understand that our baby died, and it is important to acknowledge this, not only for the parents but for the memory of their beautiful baby who they loved and lost.
With a worldwide release (thank you, Lifetime!) we all have an amazing opportunity to shine light on this dark corner where our grief and pain live and thrive.
The gift we were given on that day nearly nine years ago is this—the story of a boy who was (and is) loved. But it’s also greater than that. “Return to Zero” is our collective story now—all of us. Every one of us is a parent and survivor, loving forever and infinitely those beautiful children who still live in our hearts.
We hope that you will watch the film tonight. And that after watching it you will feel even for a moment slightly more connected with your child’s spirit who lives on through you and through this film.
We also hope that you feel compelled after watching it to share it.
As today is the end of this part of the journey for us, it is another beginning—the first step on our collective journey of breaking the silence around the world.
{Your Thoughts}