I remember the day I met you, my rainbow baby, like it was yesterday. The dark. The winter cool. The solitude. The way my hips swayed as hot water poured down my back. How months of anxiety eased beneath the tension of each contraction. And how pain made me breathe in sharp and strong at…
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Please Accept My Regret When I Struggle To Celebrate Your Miracle
Continue...Recently, a friend of mine announced a miracle. And it was, truly. I should have been overjoyed — she is a wife and mom who deserves to be with her loved ones. I should have been relieved — the loss of her would be absolutely tragic in every way. I should have been grateful — but I found myself feeling…
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It’s Time We Start The Conversation On Pregnancy And Infant Loss
Continue...This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And it is time we start the conversation . . . We’re sharing dinner and light conversation. I just miscarried my baby last night. You know it, too. But you talk about the weather, the holidays, anything but the one thing that is constantly on replay…
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Baby Shower After Loss or Infertility: Handling the Happiest Invitation at the Saddest Time
Continue...Receiving an invite to a baby shower after loss or infertility can be difficult to navigate. Here’s how one mom learned to graciously handle these happy invites at the saddest time. Creaking open my black mailbox, I peered in to see a dainty hand-addressed card sitting neatly on a stash of bills and advertisements. Ever…
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I Am Not Moving On From My Grief; And I Seriously Think It’s Time You Stop Expecting Me To.
Continue...Over the last several years, I’ve gotten the impression a few people thought it was time I started “moving on.” Moving on from feeling infertile now that I have a baby in my arms. Moving on from saying goodbye to a son who was never truly mine. Moving on from recurrent loss and the effect that…
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Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Is: Me
Continue...Recurrent pregnancy loss is: Knowing you can get pregnant. Then knowing that getting pregnant will not get you any closer to having a baby in your arms. Setting a limit on how many times you will try. And then try one more time after that. (Then one more time after that.) Telling yourself that you…
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10 Reasons That Make Pregnancy and Baby Loss a Unique Grief
Continue...Pregnancy and baby loss is a unique grief, unlike any other. Here are ten reasons why. 1. It’s out of order. None of us like to think about the losses that surely await us in our future: we’ll lose grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, family friends, teachers, and mentors. And while these losses are excruciating, we…