My wish for Christmas is that you know how much I love you. Wherever you are, I hope my love surrounds you. I want you to know you’re special to me and that I’m grateful to have had you. That you know the place as my firstborn will always be yours. I wish for you to feel the depth of my love for you.
For Christmas, I wish that you’re not alone. So, I imagine a beautiful celebration with all of your friends who also left their families too soon. I envision you surrounded by family who gives you the magical Christmas that I long to give you on earth.
I hope you can see the tiny tree placed next to your urn and the candle we light just for you. For you know you’re not forgotten would mean everything to me. I pray that you’re proud of me and see I’m better because of you.
My wish is to hold you one more time and to whisper “I love you” in your ear.
I’d give anything to see you again, to watch you open your eyes, to hear you call me “Mommy”. For Christmas, I just want one more moment with you.
However, I know that can’t happen. Therefore, I’ll settle to know we will be reunited when my time on earth is done. I want to know you will wait for me there and that once we’re together, you won’t leave me again.
I wish that your brother and sister got to know you. That you could play with them and teach them things that only big brothers know. I wish I could hold all my children in my arms and that our family could be whole again.
This Christmas I hope all the grieving families can feel the love of their children and that no child is forgotten. I wish people say your name. That all the missing children’s names are said because that is the best gift of all.
I wish that no other children have to die.
That no other families have to hang a stocking in memory of their child, knowing that it won’t be filled. I wish that people start acknowledging the children who have passed away. That the world can stop silencing child loss. I wish that nobody feels alone on this journey.
This Christmas, I wish it’s as gentle as it can be. That the toys I donate in your honor bring joy to others. I wish for peace and comfort for every grieving family. I wish all the children are remembered and their families to know they are not alone.
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
Kelly is owner and therapist at Evolve Counseling, LLC and proud mother to three children, including her son, Parker who was stillborn at 24 weeks gestation. At Evolve Counseling, LLC she provides counseling services to individuals and families healing after infant and pregnancy loss.