Guest Post by Ashley Quarles
My journey began on September 1, 2004 when I welcomed my first child into the world – a beautiful, 8.6 pound baby boy.
In that moment, I fell in love.
On November 15, 2009, life as I had known it for the previous 5 years, 2 months and 15 days was changed dramatically. My precious child, my only son, was involved in a freak four – wheeler accident and suffered fatal injuries.
In that moment, my heart shattered.
The year following Erik’s death is now a blur. Things that were important are now a distant memory. I’ve slowly been trying to pick up the pieces and attempt to make sense of this life I’ve been given. I cherish the days I spend with my daughters and I’ve realized that their tantrums, meltdowns and outbursts will eventually pass and that they won’t be little forever. It also helps that they are huge reflections of their big brother. Kaitlyn looks just like him and has his cuddling nature. Sienna acts just like him and I constantly have to look at her twice “just to be sure”.
I have found great comfort in relationships with some of the most wonderful women – they are walking through their own grief journey and they understand my pain. They know that their company is sometimes the only thing I need, but they are willing to provide the Kleenex when the tears start falling.
In January 2012, I finally accepted professional help. My therapist has helped me tremendously. She has given me reassurance that what I’m feeling and thinking are ok and completely normal. She has helped me realized that grief is a never ending battle and shown me ways to cope when that battle becomes more than I can handle.
Another thing that has helped me throughout these months without Erik is blogging. I’ve been a blog follower for about 2 years now, but it wasn’t until recently that my passion for writing and creating my own blog developed. I’m using my blog as a way to keep Erik’s memory alive – his short life was just too precious and I refuse to let him be forgotten. I have realized that there are a lot of baby loss blogs out there, but few blogs about losing a child in a tragic accident. If I can help one person who has found themselves on this journey and landed on my blog, then all the time, effort and tears I’ve poured into my blog will be worth it.
Erik was my little country boy and had dreams of becoming a bull rider one day. In February 2012, I created “Erik’s Rodeo” as a way of raising money for bereaved families in my area. I also hope to be able to fund a scholarship for a member of Erik’s graduating class and help a child who otherwise wouldn’t be going to college receive their degree.
It has been almost 29 months since I’ve looked into Erik’s beautiful brown eyes and heard him talk with his country accent. His eyes and his voice are definitely the things that I miss the most. I find myself searching for videos of him just to hear his voice again. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t stare at his picture on my desk and just smile. He truly was the love of my life.
For more information about Erik’s Rodeo or to keep up with My Life Without Erik, please visit my blog: ashleyquarles.blogspot.com.
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