Before my daughter was born, I remember thinking about her birth announcement, especially in the weeks before her birth. There was some deal at one of the big sites and I remember thinking that I hoped she was born before the deal was over (For me, nesting meant turning into an extreme couponer, bargain hunter).
When she was born, all of those thoughts went out the window. I don’t think I even had time to start planning her announcement when she died instantly and unexpectedly in my arms five days later.
A few months after she died, I started to get sad that she never had a birth announcement. She lived. So one day, I made some. They were beautiful and perfect, and I’m so glad I did. I searched forever for a word or phrase to describe a birth/death announcement. For some sort of etiquette guideline about the wording, but of course there were none.
My daughter’s birth announcement.
Last week, I got a beautiful birth announcement from a friend that lost her baby last month. It was the spark for this article. I’ll always remember and celebrate your short life, Liza.
As I mentioned above, I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to do this, but wanted to give you some of my ideas:
Timing
I sent Cora’s announcements in May. She died in December. I don’t think it’s ever too late. Even if your baby died a few years ago and you just want to do something to celebrate the fact that she was born, and of course I mean all babies, even those born sleeping.
You might not feel up to making one for some time. I love my fellow Still Standing writer Lori’s idea of making a first birthday card and mailing it out. It’s another way of honoring and remembering your baby.
John Matthew’s family sent this out for what would have been his first birthday.
Finding One
Unfortunately, you won’t find a “My baby died, but she was also here and she was born” announcement on Hallmark. For mine, I found a design I really liked on Tiny Prints.com and designed the rest myself.
You don’t really have to be much of an artist if you use one of the announcement sites. The down side? You have to look through all those happy announcements, so be gentle and do it at time when you feel up to it.
What Should I Write?
Think about something that is important to you, search for quotes online or just leave it simple. I think it’s nice to include the birth and death dates, as a memorial. It’s all up to you.
We didn’t ever get around to sending thank-you notes to everyone that helped after she died, so we also included a quick thank you to everyone for their support.
Will People Think I’m Weird?
Hopefully, none of you are thinking that, but I thought it, so I’m going to address it. It doesn’t matter. I doubt they will, but people think all sorts of crazy things. You could always just buy a couple for the people you love and trust and know will support you.
Do I Have to Send One?
Of course not! A card doesn’t mean your baby is more or less loved. It’s just an idea.
Did you send a birth announcement? I’d love to read about it in the comments, and if you have a link to a picture, would love to see it.
Kim says
We decided to do an announcement with my son Lyon’s dates since we didn’t have a funeral. We have received cards and messages from hundreds of people, so this feels like a nice way to honor him. The template didn’t have enough room for a thank you so I might do a second card later. https://www.flickr.com/photos/kimburly/30069421546/in/dateposted-public/
Lillith Lorraine says
I am currently tying to approach announcements and thank you cards for support and gifting after our daughter was born sleeping. This has been a tremendous task and very emotional. A challenge to be sure, as there is nothing out there designed for this circumstance.