Today I share with you a reflection into my very own personal journey of life after loss. I share with you from the very raw to the most extreme emotions I have felt over the last eight years. Many of you will be relate to the uncontrollable emotions that can flip as fast as the blink of an eye. Extreme. That is what living life after loss is. Extreme. The most extreme task you will ever face is life after losing a child. Unexpected and unexplained may be the emotions from one moment to the next. Literally. In grief there are enormous waves that can be unpredictable and offset by the minutest of details. These waves can cause many emotions to occur all at once, sometimes the shift can be more gradual as events leading up to your loss will trigger them and more often than not, it just happens. It just does.
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and be all smiles and then one second later be excusing yourself to run and cry? YEP! Or be so, so happy and then be screaming? YEP! Extreme. Do you wonder how this can happen?
For those of you that have loved ones or friends who have suffered loss, do you wonder how it is possible to be laughing and then crying within the same breath? Have you ever had a conversation with a friend and you just don’t understand how their demeanor can shift so quickly? Is your friend so different? Your friend may be experiencing some of these things or perhaps all of them and it is difficult to navigate life after loss. It is difficult to find balance within all of the emotions, chances are, they don’t understand them either. Be kind to them. If this applies to you, be kind to yourself. Please read this. This is real. This is raw. And this is life after loss.
I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am an aunt. I am a wife. I am a mother.
I am simple. I am complex.
I am no stranger to pain.
I am broken. I am sad. I am depressed. I am crying.
I am happy. I am laughing. I am singing. I am full of joy. I am crying all over again.
I am crazy. I am goofy. I am serious. I am gentle. I am tough. I am weak. I am strong. I am sad all over again.
I am here. I am there. I am running. I am falling. I am praying. I am screaming. I am quiet. I am still. I am crying all over again.
I am angry. I am calm. I am confused. I am focused. I am progressing. I am regressing. I am crying all over again.
I am scared. I am alone. I am surrounded. I am freaking out. I am patient. I am anxious. I am breathing. I am hopeful. I am hurt.
I am pulled together. I am a hot mess. I am out of control. I am different. I am moved. I am shaken. I am fragile. I am resilient.
I am torn. I am screaming again.
I am dancing. I am happy.
I am tired. I am stressed. I am blessed. I am confident. I am driven. I am passionate. I am loved. I am gracious.
I am filtered. I am uncensored. I am lost. I am found. I am smiling.
I am empty. I am complicated. I am crying all over again.
I am vulnerable. I am courageous. I am scared again.
I am chosen. I am forgiven. I am desperate. I am passionate.
I am grieving. I am missing my son.
I am surviving.
I am falling. I am standing.
I am STILL STANDING.
I am STILL STANDING after eight years.