“It was ten years before I could cry,” he says gently. “I got her home, I got her buried, and then I pushed it to the back of my mind. I had to. I had to hold it in, otherwise, I would have lost my job.” His voice is soft and I can tell he is weeping. We are talking on the phone. I've never met Charles, but I would trust him with my life. That's the way it is with loss parents – there's a remarkable connection. And when your child has been murdered, it's a profoundly strong ... Read More about Heart To Heart – In Conversation With Charles Erwin, Homicide Loss Father
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Tell Us: Grief And The Secrets We Keep
Have you ever had dark grief thoughts that made you feel ashamed? Do you hide feelings because you think they're ugly? Do you have a secret about the death of your child that you fear others will find out? Rest assured, you are not alone: we all have Grief Secrets. I Have A Secret The trouble with secrets is that they weigh on our souls. Carrying a secret takes energy. Keeping a secret brings up a myriad of disturbing emotions. Secrets haunt us and make us feel lonely. It makes ... Read More about Tell Us: Grief And The Secrets We Keep
I Lost All The Moments: When Reality TV Becomes Too Real
I am a self-confessed reality TV addict. If it’s on Bravo, I watch it. Give me Real Housewives of anywhere. I’ve also been a long-time fan of the show Sister Wives. I’ve been fascinated by this family since the showed premiered. They seem like a real down to earth family, who happen to have one husband and four wives. I was recently catching up on the most current season which surprisingly triggered my grief. During this season, the oldest daughter gets married. I was watching the show with ... Read More about I Lost All The Moments: When Reality TV Becomes Too Real
Jealousy After Loss: Love And Longing At The Same Time
I've never been a jealous woman. I subscribe to mantras like, "A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle" and "Don't get jealous, get motivated" and so on. I've always wanted everything good for everyone I meet. I honestly will say, "have a good life!" (in a positive way) when I am saying goodbye to people. I go out of my way to be sure others happiness is achieved, even if it's at my expense: that was until I lost my son. Then a shift in me happened, a longing for a life ... Read More about Jealousy After Loss: Love And Longing At The Same Time
On Choice And Letting Go
Editor's note: As a reminder - Still Standing is a place for all grieving parents. If you grieve the loss of your child, no matter the circumstances, you are welcome here. We ask that all conversation be kept respectful and civil. On an unremarkable (or psychologically buried) spring day in 1994 I lost my second child at about 16 weeks gestation. I was 19, a high school drop-out, and trying to extricate myself from an abusive relationship. The final straw was when my partner shoved me out of ... Read More about On Choice And Letting Go
To Family And Friends Choosing To Ignore My Child’s Existence On Social Media
Hey you. Yes, you. The family members/friends who choose to ignore the posts I make about my sweet son. You know who you are; just know that your absence in support has been noted. I have stayed silent and tried to pretend it hasn't affected me in the least bit - but I can't stay silent anymore. I realize there may be many reasons for your social media silence, in regards to my son. Maybe it's as simple and innocent as to not knowing what to say. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable ... Read More about To Family And Friends Choosing To Ignore My Child’s Existence On Social Media
Recording Every Second
Confession time: I am a picture-taking addict. It’s become a bit ridiculous, actually, according to my daughter. She has grown up with a camera always at hand in her Mama’s bag and has no problem telling me to knock it off. Not that I do, I take pictures more covertly. From the moment she was earth-side I have been trying to capture all our time together. All the milestones, all the cute expressions. I love documenting our time together each day, whether that be off on a homeschool field trip, ... Read More about Recording Every Second