Every morning for the past several weeks, I wake up and lie quietly in bed, waiting to feel our third daughter move within me. She’s a very active little girl, so generally, I don’t have to wait long. Of course, there are the mornings when she’s quiet. Those mornings sometimes feel like the longest of…
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Confessions of a Bereaved Mother on Bedrest
Continue...I was recently placed on bedrest for my pregnancy after loss (PAL). The weight of the twin girls was putting too much strain on my cervix, which caused it to dramatically shorten in a small amount of time. All of this was discovered at a routine 24-week scan. Now I am hoping to live out…
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Your Big Brother Loves You: Talking to My Rainbow Children About the Big Brother They Never Knew
Continue...“Your big brother loves you,” I often tell my other children, though I question if they understand. They were not here when he was stillborn. He was our first. He is the big brother, they are his little brother and sister. Talking to what many call my “rainbow” children about their big brother is something…
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Postpartum Anxiety: The Storm After the Rainbow
Continue...Admittedly, the rainbow analogy isn’t a perfect one when talking about baby loss. I know it’s embraced by some loss parents and despised by others. Bear with me here as I use it to address an unexpected and difficult challenge of my experience as a rainbow parent. If grief was the storm before my rainbow…
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Pregnancy After Loss: Fear and Anxiety
Continue...About 6 months after the silent birth of our firstborn child and 5 months of trying for another child, my husband and I decided to go back to the fertility doctor. Since the birth of our son, my once like-clockwork cycles were all over the place. Even if we were able to conceive a child,…
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The Question–Is This Your First Baby?
Continue...The Question “Congratulations,” said the young man at the cashier’s station with a smile after a few glances at my hard-to-miss baby bump. He was so sincere and seemed genuinely happy for me, a stranger he’d never met. As I put the last few grocery items on the conveyer belt, I thought to myself how…
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A Day in the Life of a Rainbow Mom
Continue...This morning I had to tell my daughter to put her shoes on 378 times – approximately. After I raised my voice because we were going to be late for school/work, I felt guilty. I mean I should feel lucky that I have a preschooler who is too lazy to put her shoes on on…
