• I'll always wonder: Could He have been saved?

    I’ll Always Wonder: Could He Have Been Saved?

    July 13, 2018

    Could he have been saved? Not a day goes by that this does not cross my mind. A question I constantly ask myself, a question many other couples ask about their baby. Could they have been saved? Is there something that we could have done to change this outcome? Unfortunately, we will never know. Never.…

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  • Stone with an 'M' sculpture and roses

    Surviving My Baby’s Funeral: One Moment At A Time

    July 6, 2018

    They’re not meant to be good or happy occasions. My baby’s funeral was the only time we spent time with her away from the hospital; it was the only point in her existence that she was with her grandparents, god-parents, and friends all at the same time. During her time in the neonatal unit, visiting was…

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  • infant loss

    Things Not To Say To A Bereaved Parent

    June 1, 2018

    There are a million things not to say to a bereaved parent, but some things said, particularly when comparing loss, are just not things a bereaved parent wants to hear. Things like… 1. “I’ve had a miscarriage too.” I know how painful a miscarriage can be; sadly I have been through them too. But please…

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  • Chapel Of Rest. The Last Goodbyes

    May 4, 2018

    We saw her for the last time the evening before, at the chapel of rest in the local funeral directors, I don’t regret my decision to see her, I just regret not reading to her; or holding her a bit longer. When we walked away from the hospital the day she died, she had begun to…

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  • Be Your Own Advocate

    March 28, 2018

    I laid on the ultrasound table in the dimly lit room with my hands draped just above my belly. I had been in that position for so long that my fingertips had begun to tingle. I had only moved them a few times to wipe away tears. These ultrasounds at the maternal-fetal medicine specialist were…

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  • 'M' in a garden

    Thoughts On Her Anniversary

    March 3, 2018

    I never really expected the days between her birthday and anniversary to hurt as much as they do. The run-up to the anniversary is never easy; it never shocks me how much this one hurts. The date of her birth gives us a moment, a few days of happy, to grip tightly on to; we can…

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  • Balancing The Lies Among The Truth

    February 20, 2018

    Some days I was a truth teller and some days I was a liar. What I wasn’t expecting was how easily the lies would roll off my tongue. Chatting about how busy I was going to be, talking about how three little boys under three will be noisy and crazy, how blessed I was to…

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