When tragedy strikes most of us don’t know how to release our emotions naturally and safely. Instead, we tend to bottle them up. Afraid of being judged by others we hide the agony of our loss. Quite possibly, we’ll scream when no one hears or sob uncontrollably in the car. I know I did and…
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This Person I’ve Become
Continue...I am not the person I once was. Child loss leaves no relationship untouched, no personal belief unquestioned. I can no longer look at the world with unwavering optimism or subscribe to mantras that oversimplify the human experience. “Everything happens for a reason.” After witnessing my own child die in my arms, I cannot possibly…
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Cancer Was Not Supposed To Be Part Of My Story
Continue...‘Malignant cells identified.’ Words I never wanted to hear. My cancer diagnosis arrived just shy of what would have been my daughter’s 7th birthday. I am facing the unknown once again. My diagnosis is unknown, the treatment plan is unknown, my future is unknown, everything is unknown. It’s scary, terrifying, and overwhelming. I have always…
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Control (Or Lack Thereof)
Continue...There are a lot of things in my life I feel like I cannot control. Some are my struggle with weight-loss, my children’s behavior, and certainly not the fact that my twins died just a day after they were born. When I was a young girl, my room was SO messy. Disgusting, actually. It drove…
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Life After Loss: The Anxiety Didn’t Go Away
Continue...It was during my 16-week appointment that my midwife shared her concern about my anxiety. “You seem extremely anxious about this pregnancy,” she observed as she put away the Doppler. I admitted that I was. I told her that I dealt with generalized anxiety disorder and I had since adolescence, but I quickly reassured her…
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Postpartum Anxiety: The Storm After the Rainbow
Continue...Admittedly, the rainbow analogy isn’t a perfect one when talking about baby loss. I know it’s embraced by some loss parents and despised by others. Bear with me here as I use it to address an unexpected and difficult challenge of my experience as a rainbow parent. If grief was the storm before my rainbow…
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Getting Anxiety In Check
Continue...I recently sat in my boss’s office for my annual evaluation. I teach 4th grade, and my principal had some data pulled up on the screen in front of us. “So,” she started. “What do you think has been the biggest change this year? Something you’re proud of?” I hesitated, of course, but, luckily, I…
