The Ice Cream Incident The tub of strawberry ice cream is on the counter. Next to it, rainbow sprinkles, banana slices, and the bottle of chocolate syrup are all lined up. Using the step stool, my daughter places a stack of bowls on the counter, and I grab spoons as she counts: “one, two, three…
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The Grief Process: More Like The Terrains of Grief
Continue...One minute you are singing on the highest mountain top, blissfully unaware of the impending rockslide, and the next you become buried within the deepest, darkest hole, covered in the rubble of child loss. Just three hours before “the call” my children and I gathered around our six-month-old baby boy to enjoy extra morning kisses,…
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Your Big Brother Loves You: Talking to My Rainbow Children About the Big Brother They Never Knew
Continue...“Your big brother loves you,” I often tell my other children, though I question if they understand. They were not here when he was stillborn. He was our first. He is the big brother, they are his little brother and sister. Talking to what many call my “rainbow” children about their big brother is something…
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Missing From The Picture
Continue...I love this picture. I hate this picture. It doesn’t happen as often as it once did, that feeling that someone is missing. So now when it does, it blindsides me. There are five. There should be six. Related: To The Kindergarten Teacher Who Is Missing One, There should be another boy, just bigger than the…
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Empty Arms, Cradled Siblings
Continue...When my son died from SIDS, these empty arms cradled three shattered, confused, and heartbroken siblings. Their eyes, hearts, and words questioned “Why? Why Cullin? Why us? Why? Why? Why?” I didn’t have the answers to “Why?” But I was certainly determined to find out “What now?” As a teacher and mama, nurturing answers and…
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A Day in the Life of a Rainbow Mom
Continue...This morning I had to tell my daughter to put her shoes on 378 times – approximately. After I raised my voice because we were going to be late for school/work, I felt guilty. I mean I should feel lucky that I have a preschooler who is too lazy to put her shoes on on…
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Parenting After Loss: He Knows
Continue...As the years pass, and I spend them parenting after loss, I’m amazed at how our son, Keegan, responds to having a brother whom he has never seen. Keegan is 4 years old. And he knows. He knows that he has a big brother. While pregnant I was concerned about parenting after loss. I wasn’t…
