• milestone missed 5th birthday

    One More Milestone Missed

    August 6, 2018

    Milestone birthdays are the worst. That first year knowing we’d spent an entire year without our son was torture. February 20th would have been his fifth birthday. Five. That number just seems so big. Five years without him and this milestone feels huge. There’s something about this fifth year that feels different. Our school district’s…

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  • maintaining faith after loss

    Maintaining The Faith After Loss

    July 2, 2018

    Over the last couple of months, two friends have had miscarriages. Two friends were expecting to welcome their sweet babies in the fall only to be left with broken hearts and empty wombs. I continue to try and make sense of things that have no explanation, no reason. Even if there was a reason, would…

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  • A Day in the Life of a Rainbow Mom

    June 4, 2018

    This morning I had to tell my daughter to put her shoes on 378 times – approximately. After I raised my voice because we were going to be late for school/work, I felt guilty. I mean I should feel lucky that I have a preschooler who is too lazy to put her shoes on on…

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  • 3 Lessons on Loss from My Rainbow

    May 6, 2018

    Last month marked five years since the birth and death of our first child. Five years since we held our tiny baby boy. Five years since we said goodbye. In those five years, we have grieved, we have changed, and we have learned so much. Many of the lessons we have learned have come from…

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  • Grieving in Words

    April 3, 2018

    One in four pregnancies end in loss. That is one of the statistics that if I heard it before February 22nd, 2013 I must have not listened. I mean those kinds of things only happen to other people. Not to me. We planned for this baby. We are ready. Certainly that could never happen to…

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  • ring on jewelry dish

    The Missing Ring

    January 21, 2018

    The day after we lost Joshua my mom gave me a ring to wear with his birthstone. I wore it every day for four and half years. Last month I noticed that one of the amethyst stones was missing. A prong had got bent and broke allowing the pale purple stone to fall out. I…

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  • An empty chair in front of Christmas Tree

    The Empty Chair

    December 17, 2017

    I have always loved the holidays. The magical glow of Christmas lights covering the city. The family that comes to visit. The traditions that I have always longed to share with my husband and our children. When we first found out we were expecting our son, Joshua, we were so excited to begin our new…

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