Three boys. Three brothers. One died and never got to meet his little brothers. Two live and will never get to know their older brother. Our youngest is still too little to know much about him, but our middle son, he knows about his older sibling. He knows he died as a baby, and he…
-
I’ll Always Wonder: Could He Have Been Saved?
Continue...Could he have been saved? Not a day goes by that this does not cross my mind. A question I constantly ask myself, a question many other couples ask about their baby. Could they have been saved? Is there something that we could have done to change this outcome? Unfortunately, we will never know. Never.…
-
When Decisions Change (They Are Allowed)
Continue...When you are dating/ engaged you tend to have the conversation regarding the future. Do we see ourselves getting married? When? Where? Where to live? How many kids? What’s it like when decisions change? When the topic of kids comes up you discuss the number you want and what you would like. One boy and…
-
It’s Okay To Laugh
Continue...It is okay to laugh. No, it is. It was such a release once I allowed myself to do whatever felt natural, to not force myself to feel one way or another. There were so many times I felt like I had to be sad ALL THE TIME. I could not smile, I could not…
-
Wishes That Can’t Come True
Continue...My husband and I knew from the beginning that if we had more kids, we would tell them about their older brother, the brother they never got to meet. The loss of our first born is complicated so we would discuss our loss on a level that they would understand and each and every year…
-
Hard to Continue On
Continue...It is so hard to continue on, When you are gone. I never expected to feel this way, Because I was supposed to see you every day. You are my little baby boy, My pride and joy. I’m trying to be strong like you, But it is so very hard to do. Each morning I…
-
Grief Changes, Tears Still Flow
Continue...In the beginning, my emotions were so strong, so raw. I felt like I was in a dark, dank hole clawing with every bit of my soul to find a way out. My child was gone. My child had died. I had lost a part of me. In those first few minutes and hours, I…