Words that were meant to console and comfort but missed the mark were a part of raw grief. “Give it time. It’ll get better,” I was told as I struggled to breathe within the nightmare that was my new normal. Haven’t we all been there? The well-meaning friends supporting us as we stand shell-shocked following…
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Secondary Losses – How Long Is Your List?
Continue...The death of our child is termed a ‘primary loss‘. Sadly, it’s not the only loss we must endure. Many bereaved parents fail to realize that the moment our child dies, we begin to experience ‘secondary losses‘. And these, like the devastating loss of our child, must also be grieved. For those new to the…
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To The Mother Whose Son Killed Mine – Don’t Compare My Grief To Yours
Continue...On the first day of the trial, as you stood nervously outside the Court, alone, waiting to enter through the double doors, I felt your pain, your isolation. Two years before, you had sent me a condolence letter. I was grateful that you’d acknowledged my loss. So, taking a deep breath, I walked slowly towards…
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My Eyes Still See Yet My Heart Can’t Feel The Colours
Continue...In the stillness of the night, when no one stirred, and my heart was gently beating, you came to me in my dreams. There was no muffled scream, no tears, no fear. Instead, I felt your sweet breath as you whispered — “I love you, mum.” Like guarded pearls, I held your words up to…
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Releasing Emotions Without Fear Of Judgement
Continue...When tragedy strikes most of us don’t know how to release our emotions naturally and safely. Instead, we tend to bottle them up. Afraid of being judged by others we hide the agony of our loss. Quite possibly, we’ll scream when no one hears or sob uncontrollably in the car. I know I did and…
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With You When You Awaken; Still There When The Darkness Descends
Continue...Fighting against the reality of child loss won’t lead us to the place through which we must travel: the honest, intimate, soul-crushing acceptance that we’re grieving because our child is dead. That’s what we’re being asked to do in facing this indecent truth. We’re being asked to take the hand of this most unwanted, terrifying…
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As Shock Subsides You May Dare Ask, What Now?
Continue...Shock is the body’s response to child loss. It shields you temporarily from the enormity of what has happened. It may last only a matter of hours or perhaps several months. Yet at some point, the shock will subside and like a raging tide sucked back out to the sea it’ll reveal the corroded horror…