• When the Healing Comes

    July 21, 2015

    Throughout my life, I have suffered many physical traumas and have visible scars left behind as reminders of the pain. In many of those injuries, the healing was a lengthy process. Often I wonder if God was toughening up my outside to deal with the tremendous emotional trauma I would face in losing my oldest son, Austin.…

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  • A Father’s Love

    June 16, 2015

    The other day, I passed a lady on the road with a broken windshield. I cried the rest of the way home. Unexpected emotions washed over me, a mixture of sadness, in missing Austin, but alos gratefulness, in knowing how much we’ve healed the past five years. Early in our grief, I wrote that our family was like…

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  • Please, Don’t Buy Me a Plant

    May 19, 2015

    When we lost our son, our home was invaded with greenery.  All at once. It was Christmastime, so space was already crowded.  We crammed pots and arrangements into every nook and cranny in our house.  It was exhausting. While overwhelmed, we did enjoy the fresh poinsettias and flowers.  It seemed easier to find spots for…

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  • Grief In the Grocery Store

    April 22, 2015

    It was a typical Saturday morning. Running errands.  Grocery shopping.  Catching up from the chaos of the week. As I ran into Kroger, with my unusually short list, I thought nothing of the items written on my notepad.  Checking them off one by one, I ended at the dairy and frozen foods section. As my hand…

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  • What Mattered Most

    March 17, 2015

    There are many posts out there about what to do and what not to do if you know someone who is grieving. I’ve thought many times about writing one from my own perspective, but didn’t know if I had anything extra to add. Or rather, I was fearful I’d leave something or someone out. Recently…

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  • Home Sweet Home

    February 17, 2015

    Austin was always such a good child. As a baby, he quickly gained the nickname “Smiley,” due to his happy disposition. As a toddler, I don’t remember ever struggling with him to listen to me. As a young child, it was rare for my husband or me to have discipline him. And he carried on the same…

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  • Un-titled

    January 23, 2015

    A few months ago I realized that, by this point, I could be a grandma. And when the weight of my loss duplicated in souls never to meet, I sobbed.  A pull-over-to-the-side-of-the-road-ugly cry sob. Grief for loss known – and unknown.  For a title I don’t get to have.  For generations that never got to…

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