• Fighting for Joy After Losing a Child

    August 29, 2017

    Losing a child is like no other loss.  The pain doesn’t get better with time, the void never goes away- but there will be a day where your heart will start to feel joy again.  At first, you will feel guilty, and that’s okay. It’s been two years and eight months since we lost our…

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  • Music and Grief

    August 28, 2017

    Music has always been a big part of my life. I sang in choirs for the majority of my school and university years, and music that I listened to at specific points in my life always manages to send me back in time. When I was pregnant with my daughter, Viktoría, I listened almost exclusively…

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  • Three Years. That’s How Long it’s Been Since I’ve Held You.

    August 28, 2017

    Three years. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve held you or saw your sweet face. It seems like yesterday that our lives revolved around a hospital room watching you fight for your life yet at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago. I can remember vividly the night that you passed away.…

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  • The Acorn Necklace

    August 23, 2017

    I always get a lot of compliments about my acorn necklace. Especially in the fall. The truth is, it has nothing to do with autumn festivity at all.  We hold onto what we can of people: it is why Superman logos bring a fleeting smile to my face and when I hear woodpeckers in the…

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  • For your birthday I am baking a cake

    August 22, 2017

    I have baked a cake for every birthday your siblings had, so yours should not be any different. There is no one to help me decide what kind of cake I am making, no preferences to follow. For your brother’s first birthday I made a blueberry cake, he had a green airplane candle holder for…

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  • An Open Letter to My Non-Grieving Friends and Family: Why I Need Space to just Exist

    August 21, 2017

    To simply exist is tough. Existing is draining. Existing is outright exhausting, when one is existing without a piece of themselves. Can you imagine? That’s a silly question, no one can imagine the unimaginable, and losing your child is the unimaginable. Unless you have lived it, you will never understand, and that’s a good thing.…

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  • Holding On

    August 20, 2017

    Tiny kidney-bean shape motionless on the ultrasound screen infinitesimal heart stilled by a hand much greater than mine the silent waters of my womb a static, gray vessel devoid of the life so recently there my own thundering heart-beat gallops forward refusing to stop pumping the blood and nutrients needed to sustain the life it…

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