• Grief Blooming

    September 28, 2016

    This time of the year is my season. I am yearning for summer, when all this will be behind me again. But today, I’m feeling it. The weight. The heaviness. The scar. The cloud of grief. It’s always there, but this time of year, I’ve come to learn over the years, it becomes raw again.…

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  • Forever-Hole

    September 21, 2016

    For so long (three years, but it honestly feels like so much longer) I’ve wanted days like this. Days filled with pink laundry, a reason to shop in the girls’ section, making hair bows and pieces, dreaming of what princess she might favor the best at four years old. My hope? The Little Mermaid. For…

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  • grief after child loss

    Giving into Grief

    September 21, 2016

    I come here often, to this place where grieving hearts pour their souls and others find a refuge in the words written by those who at least to some degree “get it”. And it’s odd and equally frightening, the way life escapes. Reading articles on Still Standing feels like walking through an art gallery of…

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  • Visiting the Cemetery, or Not

    September 7, 2016

    Yesterday morning I came across a post I wrote on my blog last December on decorating Jenna’s gravesite. I feel like the worst baby loss mom ever. I haven’t been to her gravesite since the end of summer this year. I decided early on in this pregnancy that it would be best to try to keep…

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  • Grief, Time and Pregnancy After Loss

    August 30, 2016

      I can remember when grief was raw. I can remember Christmas morning in 2009 crying under the Christmas tree, as my husband handed me something he wanted me to unwrap. It felt so wrong to even think about celebrating without our daughter. Later that afternoon my husband and I would skip town for a…

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  • Blogging for Therapy After the Loss of a Child

    August 22, 2016

      Sitting by her bedside in the NICU, hour after hour, day after day, I realized it was going to be a nonstop roller coaster and phone call parade if we didn’t find some other way to communicate with the outside world on her latest updates. The idea of a blog instantly came to mind.…

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  • The Moments You Live for After Losing a Child

    August 3, 2016

    It’s funny how things change. From top to bottom. For so long I could hardly recognize the girl staring back at me in the mirror. I wasn’t familiar with this new girl’s passions, with the way grief felt unbelievably comfortable,  or even with her new circle of friends (and online friends). I had to relearn…

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