• His daughter

    October 29, 2015

    It has been over two years since my oh so deeply loved daughter died and was born. I have treaded the path of mourning, healing, camaraderie in grief. I have grown and written and photographed. I have cried and choked on crying. Quietly sobbed. I have missed her in the most everyday, common moments, when…

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  • Because of you

    May 22, 2015

    At first, while we waited for him, because of you I was so scared. Your body was formed to only live inside me, and even when we learned that your baby brother was growing as boringly normal as we had hoped, I was scared. Because of you I know that even babies can die. I…

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  • Rainbow Baby

    February 27, 2015

    As we wait for our little rainbow to be born (soon), part of me is frozen in time, expectant, hopeful, still. In that stillness, I am trying to hold space, I think, for every one of my children. Especially Luna, who died, and especially Indigo, who is waiting to be born. In the year and…

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  • Holiday pieces

    December 26, 2014

    I miss her. Christmas is cold in the north. Colder without her. Photo ops are dumb because we will never be complete. I am crafting away and totally surviving… but it sucks. So here goes a post, in pictures and words that sprout in fragments. It’s Christmas and I miss my girl. The prayer flags…

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  • Thank You

    November 27, 2014

    I am thankful for you because even though the pain and the loneliness of missing you is sometimes so big that I can only breath in gasps of air that sting and even though I will always be partly incomplete I still, somehow, have you. Because even though I only got to have you for…

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  • How it almost was

    October 22, 2014

    I wonder if I would have been a good mom to a girl. That’s why I watched all the Gilmore Girls on my hard-drive while she was alive inside me. When the sadness hits… well… it wasn’t sadness at first, it was disbelief. In the early days of knowing Luna would die, those odd conversation…

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  • Lousy Mom To All

    September 26, 2014

    Some things are unfair. Besides my baby dying, that is. Some things that I myself do are unfair. Like for my older kids, the way I don’t celebrate their birthdays anymore. Not really, I don’t. Sometimes it’s a cop out: Let’s take a special trip to the beach for your birthday! Or, oh… you just…

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