• Decisions, decisions

    September 8, 2016

    The life of a parent is one full of decisions. Some, their brows puckered with concentration, painstakingly riffling through books about organic food and educational methods. Choosing the best pram, sling, buggy, nursery, school, university, career path. Plotting a course decades into the future for a child barely even born yet. So careful and protective.…

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  • Dreamer

    August 25, 2016

    I’ve always been a daydreamer. I was the child staring out of the window instead of paying attention to the teacher. I grew into the young woman who stared out of the window instead of paying attention to the boss. Eyes always gazing beyond the horizon, to an imaginary place that seemed so much more…

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  • Together alone

    August 18, 2016

    When Georgina died, I felt like the only person on the planet who had ever lost a daughter of three days old. The only person who had expected twins but was only able to bring one home. The only person who had watched her baby take her last breath and been unable to make her…

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  • Disappeared

    August 2, 2016

    This is a companion to my previous article for Still Standing, Hidden. My daughter, Georgina, did not look like the baby that I had imagined. She did not look like the babies that you see on advertisements for diapers or formula milk. She wasn’t softly pastel pink and chubby, rounded. Her eyelids were fused shut…

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  • Hidden

    July 21, 2016

    The birth story. Told. Re-told. Mythologised and chronicled in baby books. Discussed. In staff rooms and workplaces. Amongst family and friends. Details. Hours. Pain. Interventions. Baby weights. Husbands, fainting or strong. Midwives, calm or anger inducing. The story. Once told, we are never the same again. Perhaps that is why it is so often revisited…

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  • All that remains

    July 11, 2016

    It’s summer again. I always used to love the heat, the flowers, the bright green of the grass and trees against the blue of the English summertime sky. When we’re lucky and it isn’t raining. Again. But now. Now, it is a bittersweet time of year. Reminding me of the final days of my pregnancy.…

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  • Raising a surviving child from a multiple birth

    June 27, 2016

    “There’s your baby,” the sonographer said, ‘and there’s your other baby.” And that is how I found out that I was expecting, very unexpected, twins. I felt shocked, devastated and frightened. A first time mother, I wondered how on earth I would manage with two newborns. I must have turned white as the sonographer asked…

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