Often when I think about losing my son, I don’t focus on the positive changes his death caused. I’m not sure anyone does. I know there was a time in my grief that I could not ever imagine good being born out of such pain. But in reflection, I can see how the loss of…
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No Comparisons: A Goal for Mother’s Day 2018
Continue...Mother’s Day is right around the corner. Some think it’s a commercial scam to sell cards and flowers. Maybe. But motherhood is hard, y’all. Take a minute to applaud yourself. Accept the flowers with gratitude. Buy that special cup of coffee. Go to bed an hour earlier than usual. Say no to stuff you don’t really want…
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Rage Running
Continue...Seething with rage, I laced up my shoes into double knots. Earlier in the day, I had been part of a conversation involving teen pregnancy. This particular teen was not yet pregnant but seemed very flippant about becoming so. In the middle of the hot mess that was her life, she didn’t care if she…
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Stillbirth: Something Left Unseen
Continue...Writing my baby’s name in the sand was something I’ve been wanting to do since he died. After more than two years, I had not forgotten this desire and I found myself at Waikiki Beach in Hawaii. I picked a spot and began crafting it carefully, focusing, pulling chunks of sand to sharpen the clarity…
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My Passions: What’s For Me?
Continue...“How do I go on without my son and without my hope for a rainbow baby?” My husband had a second vasectomy after we conceived Reece Michael. That one was deemed successful after Reece was stillborn just two weeks prior. Having another baby is now wildly invasive AND expensive. I ached for another baby for…
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Kintsugi: Beauty in the Broken
Continue...Months ago, I was having a discussion with an expecting colleague. I was explaining how Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth changed my life. I offered to loan it to her so she could read the science and experiences of natural childbirth. The book had strong sentimental value, but in an effort to loosen up, I…
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A Letter to My Reece on His Birthday
Continue...Dear Reece, Happy birthday, my sweet littlest one! How is it that two years have gone by? At 11:36pm on November 8th, 2015, you were born weighing 4 pounds 15ounces and spanning 18 ½ inches. You had fuzzy red hair and giant feet. Your sweet baby skin was so soft. You looked like your biggest…