by Louise Boyd
The loss of a child, no matter how old, is the most intense grief a parent will ever go through.
Living without our flesh and blood is traumatic and painful. In the blink of an eye, our lives are forever changed.
Our world comes crashing down as we begin to search for answers.
The loss leaves us feeling disorientated, and the pain is unfathomable.
We are not supposed to outlive our children because it isn’t the natural order of how things should be.
Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
As time goes on, we have to face this painful journey figuring out which way to go. Our body, mind, and spirit are deeply affected by this tragic loss as we begin to experience this immeasurable pain and heartache.
Every so often, we feel this intense wave of grief wash over us.
In the early stage of grief, it’s tough to hold it together. I remember grocery shopping. I wasn’t fond of shopping after Elianna passed. This little outing I once enjoyed became painful and overwhelming.
I would often break down crying in the grocery store. I would not stop sobbing as the sadness would hit me like an express train.
During our grief, we find ourselves declining invitations, celebrating the milestones of other children’s birthdays and graduations.
Not being able to plan our child’s birthday party or graduation is soul-destroying.
We miss our children dearly; the way they used to laugh and to hear them tell us how much they’ love us.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could listen to their voices again?
We cry when we are driving, washing dishes, or even when we are listening to a song on the radio. The sudden burst of tears begin to flow, and we find ourselves reliving the heartache.
The pain a parent feels is a pain like no other.
Nothing is comparable.
And those goodbyes hurt the most when the story is not finished.
As time goes on, we begin to learn about love and that the love for our children continues beyond the physical realm.
We are all connected through love.
How we deal with our loss is never-ending, but it’s not without its brighter moments. We can laugh through the tears as we remember them.
As we move on, we realize our children are with us.
Wherever we go, they go as we continue to hold a place for them in our hearts.