Still Standing Magazine

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • About
    • About The Editor
    • Note from the Founder
  • Write For Us & Guidelines
  • Advertise
  • Resources
    • Worldwide Mental Health Hotlines/Resources
    • Expressions of Grief
  • Contact Us
    • FAQs
    • Terms of Use/Privacy
  • FAQs
    • Still Standing Commenting
  • Terms of Use/Privacy

March 19, 2020


Some Days I Fake It
If I talk about it, it will only get worse

Marisa Michaud

Some Days I Fake It If I talk about it, it will only get worse
       

The laugh you hear.

The smile you see.

The tears that stay hidden.

All because I choose to fake it sometimes. Some days.

Some days the laugh is fake, the smile is plastered on and the tears constantly threaten to flow.

Why Do I Feel Like I Need Permission To Grieve

Why do I fake it?

Because people ask “What’s wrong?” and the answer is always, “Drake.”

I just want others to know this grief comes and goes as it wants but it’s always there.

I fake it because sometimes I don’t want to share.

I fake it because if I talk about it, I know it will only get worse.

I fake it because I want to; there is no right or wrong way to travel this path. Only what is right for me because my grief is my own.

I fake it because the time might not be right within my life since I have other children to consider.

I fake it because I might be in a situation that is not ideal.

I fake it because I fear friends and family get tired of hearing about it, dealing with my grief.

I fake it because I don’t want the question “What’s wrong?”

The Added Pain Of Silence After Baby Loss

I could probably continue my list of reasons why I fake it but the truth is I do what I feel is best for me in those moments.

I have to do what is best for me not for others.

Can I say it is the best path to take with my grief? No, because I don’t always know the best path for my grief.

All I can do is just try.

If it works for me, then good, but it might not work next time since grief is different each and every time it arises.

The laugh you hear and the smile you see might be fake or they might be real because even I don’t know when my grief will hit next.

Marisa Michaud

Marisa is the mother to 3 boys, one gone too soon and 2 keeping her on her toes. Drake died in 2010 at 12 days, 16 hours old after being pulled from life support due to injuries he sustained during delivery. Her other 2 boys: Aden and Gavin, whom she loves every minute with them.

lifebythedreams.wordpress.com/

Related


       

About Marisa Michaud

Marisa is the mother to 3 boys, one gone too soon and 2 keeping her on her toes. Drake died in 2010 at 12 days, 16 hours old after being pulled from life support due to injuries he sustained during delivery. Her other 2 boys: Aden and Gavin, whom she loves every minute with them.

Archives

Copyright © Still Standing Magazine, LLC
To inquire on republishing posts or for public use other than social sharing, please contact the editor.
Print for personal use only.
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Previous Post: « Remember: A Letter Of Love To Loss Parents Facing The Fear Of COVID-19
Next Post: Losing Your Only Child: Now Hope Looks Different »

Reader Interactions

{Your Thoughts} Cancel reply

Comments

  1. JENNIFER says

    May 16, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    I’m so so sorry for the loss of your child. I lost my 23y/o baby boy to murder this year. And i, too, sometimes fake it. I could identify with everything you said. I hate when I’m crying and people ask what’s wrong? I mean isn’t it obvious,cheats wrong?!? I lost my son! My baby. His warmth. His love. His smile. His laugh. His future. His legacy. MY LEGACY. Thank you for writing this. I’m trying sorry.

    Reply Report comment
    • JENNIFER says

      May 16, 2020 at 8:33 pm

      Sorry for the typos. ❤

      Reply Report comment

Primary Sidebar

W E L C O M E
Founded in 2012, Still Standing Magazine, LLC, shares stories from around the world of writers surviving the aftermath of loss, infertility - and includes information on how others can help. This is a page for all grieving parents. If you grieve the loss of your child, no matter the circumstances, you are welcome here.
Subscribe To Our New Posts
Advertising
Write For Us
Contact Us
FAQ

Join Our Online Support Group -
T O G E T H E R
  • About
  • Write For Us & Guidelines
  • Advertise
  • Resources
  • Contact Us
  • FAQs
  • Terms of Use/Privacy

Footer

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Categories

Recently Posted

  • Ukraine: Bearing Witness In The Grief Of War
  • Lives Lost – The Recent Catastrophic Changes To Cancer Care During Covid-19
  • When You Lose The Person You Love Before They Die
  • Redefining Christmas And The New Year
  • Dear Meghan

Copyright © 2023 · Still Standing Magazine, LLC