Some Days I Fake It
If I talk about it, it will only get worse

The laugh you hear.

The smile you see.

The tears that stay hidden.

All because I choose to fake it sometimes. Some days.

Some days the laugh is fake, the smile is plastered on and the tears constantly threaten to flow.

Why Do I Feel Like I Need Permission To Grieve

Why do I fake it?

Because people ask “What’s wrong?” and the answer is always, “Drake.”

I just want others to know this grief comes and goes as it wants but it’s always there.

I fake it because sometimes I don’t want to share.

I fake it because if I talk about it, I know it will only get worse.

I fake it because I want to; there is no right or wrong way to travel this path. Only what is right for me because my grief is my own.

I fake it because the time might not be right within my life since I have other children to consider.

I fake it because I might be in a situation that is not ideal.

I fake it because I fear friends and family get tired of hearing about it, dealing with my grief.

I fake it because I don’t want the question “What’s wrong?”

The Added Pain Of Silence After Baby Loss

I could probably continue my list of reasons why I fake it but the truth is I do what I feel is best for me in those moments.

I have to do what is best for me not for others.

Can I say it is the best path to take with my grief? No, because I don’t always know the best path for my grief.

All I can do is just try.

If it works for me, then good, but it might not work next time since grief is different each and every time it arises.

The laugh you hear and the smile you see might be fake or they might be real because even I don’t know when my grief will hit next.