Editor’s Note: Several times a month, ‘Ask Away‘ by Still Standing Magazine publishes anonymous reader questions for you to offer wisdom on. Find more on our submission process here, and read our comment policy here.
Dear Still Standing Readers:
I have two children earthside and lost twins in between.
When I hear of people getting pregnant, whether I know them or not, I sometimes find myself judging whether or not they “deserve” this.
Particularly when it’s twins, or when the person gets to experience a worry-free pregnancy without fear of loss.
I know this isn’t healthy.
That I don’t know people’s fertility journey.
That is isn’t up to me to determine who gets to be a parent.
I fully recognize how horrible it is, and I desperately want to stop.
But I can’t predict when I’ll have this reaction, and I don’t know how to prevent it.
How can I put away my feelings of bitterness and be happy for others who get to have what I didn’t?
– Unwillingly Bitter
What advice can you give this writer? Have you experienced or are you feeling the same? Is there something in your grief that is triggered by a specific type of family setting and how do you cope?