No Goodbyes: Losing My Grandson To Adoption
Sadness is my constant companion

His little arms reached up to hug me, and as I reached down to kiss his puckered lips I had no idea that it would be the last time I saw my grandson, “E.”

If I had known, would I have hugged him longer? Would I have breathed in his sweet baby smell and looked at every last detail of his face to commit it to memory?

When my daughter lost her rights to my grandson I dropped my custody case because I believed his foster mother and I were friends.

I knew that she planned to adopt him, and I believed her promise that I would always be his “Mimi.”

Then two months later I asked to see him, and she refused.

Grieving The Child Who Did Not Die

Understandably I became upset and wanted to know why?

Her response was to “block” me three days later. She blocked me on social media and removed my access to a page that she had used to share his photos with his biological family.

She then stopped answering my texts and refused to allow me to send him a gift for his birthday.

There are online sites about losing a child to adoption, and Grandparent Alienation. I suppose I fit in one of those groups, and maybe both.

All I know is that I think about him all the time, and I wonder if he misses his two older brothers who I am raising and me.

Sadness is my constant companion.

Unexpectedly, a few weeks I caught myself smiling. I was decorating the Christmas tree and making ornaments with one of his brothers.

Soon after a friend posted a video of her grandson who is the same age as E. He was singing in his sweet little voice and all I could think of was E’s voice when he told me that he loved me with all of his heart.

It breaks my heart. My sweet baby boy.

I miss him so much.

I never even got to say goodbye.

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About the Author

Tina is one of 67,534 grandparents in Virginia who are raising their grandchildren. She is the mother of two adult children and grandmother to three grandsons, two who live with her, and one that was lost to adoption. As the mother of an addicted daughter, she shares her experiences and resources in the hope that she can be an advocate for other grandparents who have taken on this important role. She also seeks to change the way people view addiction.