His little arms reached up to hug me, and as I reached down to kiss his puckered lips I had no idea that it would be the last time I saw my grandson, “E.”
If I had known, would I have hugged him longer? Would I have breathed in his sweet baby smell and looked at every last detail of his face to commit it to memory?
When my daughter lost her rights to my grandson I dropped my custody case because I believed his foster mother and I were friends.
I knew that she planned to adopt him, and I believed her promise that I would always be his “Mimi.”
Then two months later I asked to see him, and she refused.
Grieving The Child Who Did Not Die
Understandably I became upset and wanted to know why?
Her response was to “block” me three days later. She blocked me on social media and removed my access to a page that she had used to share his photos with his biological family.
She then stopped answering my texts and refused to allow me to send him a gift for his birthday.
There are online sites about losing a child to adoption, and Grandparent Alienation. I suppose I fit in one of those groups, and maybe both.
All I know is that I think about him all the time, and I wonder if he misses his two older brothers who I am raising and me.
Sadness is my constant companion.
Unexpectedly, a few weeks I caught myself smiling. I was decorating the Christmas tree and making ornaments with one of his brothers.
Soon after a friend posted a video of her grandson who is the same age as E. He was singing in his sweet little voice and all I could think of was E’s voice when he told me that he loved me with all of his heart.
It breaks my heart. My sweet baby boy.
I miss him so much.
I never even got to say goodbye.
About the Author
This is so heart breaking. ((((((hugs)))))) I hope that he can find you when the time is allowable.
This happened to me and my little grandson as well. I was promised he would still be in my life, but it was a lie to get me not to pursue adoption.
I know about the constant sadness. The little guy was my heart walking around on two feet. I haven’t seen him in nearly two years and now I am dying. And I don’t care.
My hope is that he will look for me one day…
Oh I know this pain so intimately! My grandson was given to the birth father’s sister in an open adoption arrangement at 5 months old 6 years ago by my daughter who was experiencing severe postpartum at the time. I tried to reason with her but to no avail. I had just been diagnosed with MS so I knew I couldn’t raise him. My grandson’s paternal grandparents were friends of mine for quite a few years so i felt a bit more easy about it. The sister, (his new mom), and the birth father’s family assured us that we would always be in his life and would be able to see him whenever we wanted as long as we gave ample notice. I suggested hiring lawyers so that THEY would know we would never be a threat to them by stealing the boy back from them since we only wanted the best for him and didn’t want to cause any more trauma to him emotionally. They were a stable couple with 2 biological children of their own and seemed very financially stable as well. Seemed like a win win for all. However, they balked at lawyers stating and reiterating how we were all family and that we were Born again Christians who would never hurt one another. P.S. a month after the adoption was finalized (they asked us not to come to the court so that we wouldn’t get upset) my friend stopped contacting me and we were told we could only see the boy once a year. We had a hard time accepting that but wanted to do what was best for the child. Fast forward, I have not seen him in well over a year and the little infrequent face time we had has also stopped. They moved to another state and only share the occasional photo of him on FB, which has not yet been blocked yet thankfully. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces. My daughter blames me for not advising her better and it all feels like a slow and agonizing death. My grief comes in waves, a little softer after so many years, but then BAM! It hits like a brick wall and I’m back there in an instant until I’m emotionally and physically spent. My daughter has moved on in many ways in her life because she was only 17 at the time and has since met someone nice and is distracted by growing up. I, on the other hand, am 60. I do have 2 other grandchildren by another daughter (who does not understand my grief… how could she?) and my siblings don’t understand why I don’t just let it go and move on. I love my other grandchildren tons but my grandson was the first grandchild and I switched my whole life around to help her since the birth father and family originally wanted nothing to do with him and my daughter was going to be a single mom like I was. He’s still my flesh and blood! There is no one I know in this same position and many don’t understand why we trusted them so much in the first place. I could kick myself now for doing so but of course I realize we were lied to and I based my trust on love, friendship, and what i thought were Christian people. I’m a mess tonight and just needed to know if there are others who understand my grief. My family keeps reminding me that he is not dead and I should feel fortunate that he’s being taken care of. Believe me, I am grateful! But it still feels like my insides have been torn out by all the betrayal and lies, and the slow alienation. I kept my word to them and God so that’s the only way I can cope with my loss. We complied with all of their requests along the way for fear of just this thing happening and we have no recourse due to my stupidity in trusting them. Thank you for allowing me to vent. Prayers for God’s peace to all who suffer this excruciating and devastating pain.