Still Standing Magazine

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • About
    • About The Editor
    • Note from the Founder
  • Write For Us & Guidelines
  • Advertise
  • Resources
    • Worldwide Mental Health Hotlines/Resources
    • Expressions of Grief
  • Contact Us
    • FAQs
    • Terms of Use/Privacy
  • FAQs
    • Still Standing Commenting
  • Terms of Use/Privacy

June 17, 2019

Empathy In The Impossible Choices

.

Empathy In The Impossible Choices
       

I am now five years on after having to make an impossible choice in my first pregnancy.

We ended up deciding to proceed with termination for medical reasons when I was 22 weeks pregnant.

My darling son Jacob had multiple medical issues as well as myself being at risk with recurrent placental abruptions. I am only now starting to unpack everything that has happened and getting professional help to work through it all.

I struggle with the guilt, and one exercise my psychologist has me do is try to find empathy for myself.

Below is what I came up with.

I hope it may help anyone out there, who is also struggling with the guilt of living without their baby, to be kinder to themselves and find empathy for their situation.

****

I feel empathy for the woman who was going for her ultrasound and didn’t know what was about to happen.

I feel empathy for the woman who was laying on the ultrasound table and whose whole world fell apart.

I feel empathy for the woman who was put in the situation of being asked to decide whether she should continue with a pregnancy or to end it – even though there was nothing more she wanted than to take her baby home with her.

I Am The Face Of A Heartbreaking Choice

I feel empathy for the woman who had to sit and listen to everyone’s opinion on what to do when nobody else could feel that baby move and kick.

I feel empathy for the woman who felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders, and there was no way out no way to save her baby.

I feel empathy for the woman who had to deliver her baby, who had long dreamed of the moment she would deliver her first child and how amazing that would be.

I feel empathy for her because that was not how it turned out.

I feel empathy for the woman who held her baby close to her chest, but the baby didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t open his eyes, and was cold. I feel her pain and her sadness I feel her longing for a miracle.

I feel empathy for the woman who had to hold her dead baby, who had to look at her child and see their whole future together slip away.

I feel empathy for the woman who didn’t know what to do, who was overwhelmed by the fact this baby she had loved so much is now dead.

I feel empathy for the woman who had to hand her baby over and walk away.

I feel empathy for the woman who was asked whether she wanted to bury or cremate her child when the answer was – she wanted to have her baby with her forever.

I feel empathy for the woman who wondered if there would ever be happiness in her heart again.

I feel empathy for the woman who has questioned her ability to be a mother.

I feel empathy for the woman who managed to get up and keep going even though all she wanted to do was hide under the covers and never come out.

I feel empathy for the woman who wondered if she would ever have a live baby.

I feel empathy for the woman who still doesn’t know how to heal her broken heart.

I feel empathy for the woman who feels like it’s all her fault, even though she did the best she could in a situation she never wanted to be in.

I Didn’t Choose Death, Death Chose Me: On The Late-Term Abortion Law In New York

I feel empathy for the woman who doesn’t know how to forgive herself for letting her baby go even though it was what had to be done.

I feel empathy for the woman who still feels lost and doesn’t know how to live her life without her first baby.

———

Kate is a mother of 4. 3 children here and one who had to leave.

Related


       

Archives

Copyright © Still Standing Magazine, LLC
To inquire on republishing posts or for public use other than social sharing, please contact the editor.
Print for personal use only.
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Previous Post: « The Most Invisible: Fatherhood After Stillbirth
Next Post: Why Say That? On The Words We Use In Grief »

Reader Interactions

{Your Thoughts} Cancel reply

Primary Sidebar

W E L C O M E
Founded in 2012, Still Standing Magazine, LLC, shares stories from around the world of writers surviving the aftermath of loss, infertility - and includes information on how others can help. This is a page for all grieving parents. If you grieve the loss of your child, no matter the circumstances, you are welcome here.
Subscribe To Our New Posts
Advertising
Write For Us
Contact Us
FAQ

Join Our Online Support Group -
T O G E T H E R
  • About
  • Write For Us & Guidelines
  • Advertise
  • Resources
  • Contact Us
  • FAQs
  • Terms of Use/Privacy

Footer

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Categories

Recently Posted

  • Ukraine: Bearing Witness In The Grief Of War
  • Lives Lost – The Recent Catastrophic Changes To Cancer Care During Covid-19
  • When You Lose The Person You Love Before They Die
  • Redefining Christmas And The New Year
  • Dear Meghan

Copyright © 2023 · Still Standing Magazine, LLC