I wish we could see and hold you each and every day.
I wish that you could be physically here with us.
I wish that your sisters and cousins had you to play with.
I wish I could bring you to the playground.
I wish I could see you play in the sand and snow.
I wish that you were fighting with your sister’s and having tantrums, taking ownership of the things that you own.
I wish you were here in the midst of the mayhem.
I wish that I could look into the back seat of our car and see all of our three little girls sitting there.
I wish that you were not missing from all of our family photographs and that “angel” bear didn’t have to represent you.
I wish you were here to celebrate special events like Christmas, Easter, Halloween and birthdays. We miss you so much more on these special days.
I wish that I was buying you toys for Christmas and not memorial candles and ornaments.
I wish I wasn’t bringing flowers for your grave.
I wish that you didn’t have hypoplastic left heart syndrome.
I wish I had more time to spend with you.
I wish that you were born alive, so that we could have met you and you could have met us, even for a little short while.
I wish that your skin did not become so delicate and fragile a few hours after you were born.
I wish, while you were here in our arms, that I didn’t struggle to find a balance between caring for your twin sister and spending precious time with you.
I wish I could see what you would look like now and what personality you would have.
I wish I knew what your favourite song was – let’s hope it’s twinkle, twinkle little star as we always sing that to you.
I wish I was buying matching outfits for you and your twin sister.
I wish I was still part of the club of parents who have twins.
I wish I was pushing a double buggy and not a buggy for one baby.
I wish you weren’t missing out on so many things.
I wish you’d had the opportunity to enjoy life and the wonderful things it has to offer.
I wish everyone else in our lives could have met you.
I wish you were still alive and we didn’t have to bury you.
About the Author: Niamh Connolly-Coyne is mother to three daughters Alice and twins Emma and Mia. Mia lives in heaven. She passed away a few weeks before she was born. Niamh lives in Ireland. She works for a charity. She also volunteers her time with baby loss charities in Ireland particularly focusing on making change for bereaved parents through campaign and lobbying work.
Photo by Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash
Niamh Connolly-Coyne is mother to three daughters Alice and twins Emma and Mia. Mia passed away a few weeks before she was born. She had a heart condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome.
Niamh lives in Ireland. She set up an awareness / advocacy group for bereaved parents who have experienced loss in a multiple pregnancy called Peas in a Pod: loss in a multiple pregnancy @peasinapodireland. Niamh hopes also to create more awareness and inclusion of the needs of parents who have lost a baby from a multiple pregnancy through campaign and lobbying work.