I Wish…

I wish that you could be physically here with us.

I wish that your sisters and cousins had you to play with.

I wish I could bring you to the playground.

I wish I could see you play in the sand and snow.

I wish that you were fighting with your sister’s and having tantrums, taking ownership of the things that you own.

I wish you were here in the midst of the mayhem.

I wish that I could look into the back seat of our car and see all of our three little girls sitting there.

I wish that you were not missing from all of our family photographs and that “angel” bear didn’t have to represent you.

I wish you were here to celebrate special events like Christmas, Easter, Halloween and birthdays. We miss you so much more on these special days.

I wish that I was buying you toys for Christmas and not memorial candles and ornaments.

I wish I wasn’t bringing flowers for your grave.

I wish that you didn’t have hypoplastic left heart syndrome.

I wish I had more time to spend with you.

I wish that you were born alive, so that we could have met you and you could have met us, even for a little short while.

I wish that your skin did not become so delicate and fragile a few hours after you were born.

I wish, while you were here in our arms, that I didn’t struggle to find a balance between caring for your twin sister and spending precious time with you.

I wish I could see what you would look like now and what personality you would have.

I wish I knew what your favourite song was – let’s hope it’s twinkle, twinkle little star as we always sing that to you.

I wish I was buying matching outfits for you and your twin sister.

I wish I was still part of the club of parents who have twins.

I wish I was pushing a double buggy and not a buggy for one baby.

I wish you weren’t missing out on so many things.

I wish you’d had the opportunity to enjoy life and the wonderful things it has to offer.

I wish everyone else in our lives could have met you.

I wish you were still alive and we didn’t have to bury you.

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About the Author: Niamh Connolly-Coyne is mother to three daughters Alice and twins Emma and Mia. Mia lives in heaven. She passed away a few weeks before she was born. Niamh lives in Ireland. She works for a charity. She also volunteers her time with baby loss charities in Ireland particularly focusing on making change for bereaved parents through campaign and lobbying work.

Photo by Saad Chaudhry on Unsplash