Hey you. Yes, you. The family members/friends who choose to ignore the posts I make about my sweet son.
You know who you are; just know that your absence in support has been noted. I have stayed silent and tried to pretend it hasn’t affected me in the least bit –
but I can’t stay silent anymore.
I realize there may be many reasons for your social media silence, in regards to my son.
Maybe it’s as simple and innocent as to not knowing what to say.
Maybe it makes you uncomfortable because you’re not good with the emotional stuff.
That’s okay. I get it.
In that case though, just simply “like” the post! It doesn’t even take a second to do this, AND it lets me know (a person you claim to have a relationship with and care about) that you saw my words/i.e., MY HEART, you heard me and my son crossed your mind today.
This simple gesture makes me feel a little less alone in this, and I really need that right now.
Maybe you think I post about Liam and the grief for attention. Maybe in your mind, I’ve become addicted to the attention of it all, and you don’t want to encourage that kind of behavior.
After all, it’s been nearly a year and a half; surely things have got to be getting better and normal again.
I am ashamed to admit this, but before I experienced this type of loss; this type of pain, I was guilty of thinking these thoughts as well. I felt like I was feeding into it.
I never stopped to think that as this person was going through their everyday life, they were living life.
They were busy being a spouse and parent.
They were busy putting their families needs and feelings first.
They were trying not to make their bad day, their children’s bad day.
They were keeping schedules and appointments.
They were trying to make conscious choices to enjoy this life, despite the screaming and crying going on in their hearts.
They have to put their loss and grief on the back burner to get through the day and have the ability to smile still.
So when they were taking a minute to post on social media about how badly they miss their loved one…
Taking a minute to acknowledge their heartache…
Taking a minute to feel a little less alone in missing someone…
they were in fact COPING.
Once again, a comment isn’t always necessary.
A simple thumbs up, a heart, a sad face, an angry face, a wow face; they go a long way.
You might think it’s “tacky” to grieve online, but I think it’s lonely to not share about it. It’s lonely for you and lonely for others. Sharing about grief reminds those who are in over their heads in it, that there is a community of us.
We can be in this together. It throws out a lifeline to a person who might be experiencing what seems to be a hopeless day.
I am one of those people who has grabbed on to these lifelines thrown out by others.
And I will never be able to thank them enough.
So, to the family/friends who choose to ignore my son’s existence on social media, it’s been noticed. I’ve gotten your message loud and clear.
I hope the things I have listed will give you something to think about and maybe get you off your high horse and back down in the muck with the rest of us.
I still won’t expect your support on here, but just know your lack of support and thoughtfulness won’t keep me from posting and including my son.
He is my family, and I will never stop loving him and missing him. He’s not here, but I am SO proud of him, so I’m going to share him.
And maybe you have chosen not to be so open with your grief, but that’s your choice, and that choice is not superior to mine nor is mine superior to yours.
Please respect my choice to share my grief online and show that you love my son and me because when you take special care to like every other post EXCEPT those about him, it feels like you are telling me to just get over it already.
I am just finding my way and following the path I believe God is leading me down, but honestly, the hurt is still unbearable at times.
My son is a part of me and a part of my story and he always will be, so learn to be okay with that.
Photo credit: author’s own
Originally published on: https://www.facebook.com/aLegacyForLiam/posts/411258879687343?__tn__=K-R
About the Author: Chloe resides in Nebraska and is married to her high school sweetheart. She has a stepdaughter, two daughters earthside, two angel babies and a son heavenside. Find her on A Legacy for Liam.