The decision that you’re not going to have any more kids is a bittersweet time for all moms. A feeling of contentment that your family is complete, you’ve found all the pieces to fit. Mixed with a feeling of sadness; you won’t have another baby growing inside of you, you won’t have those sleepy newborn snuggles.
It’s that bittersweet feeling that makes moms treasure moments with her last baby. She’ll sit and snuggle longer; she will enjoy every milestone, not pushing them forward but savoring each one.
As her baby becomes a toddler, she’ll let go of her infant items with love and thanks for their years of service. Each one a reminder of all of her babies in that stage.
I didn’t get that; you see my baby, my final piece, died at nine days old.
My bittersweet feeling is just bitter, no sweet in sight. My arms are empty; they ache to feel the weight of my baby.
My infant items are stored in a basement, and when I look at them, it’s just another reminder of a place where my son will never be.
Instead of savoring milestones I’m counting the days, weeks, months it’s been since my baby took his last breath.
I’m not sure I’ll ever feel the contentment of a complete family. My family picture will always show four people but should have six. We will look like a happy, complete family but I’ll see the missing pieces from our puzzle.
Photo credit: author’s own
About the Author: Emily is a mother of four, with two in home and two in her heart. She lost her son Oliver in 2017 from HLHS, a congenital heart defect and had a miscarriage in 2014. She’s married to her high school sweetheart and lives in small town Iowa.