I’m going to share an ugly truth with you all.

And for the record, my girls and their lives are my greatest blessings. The fact that I have them here on Earth with me is a gift I will never take for granted. And I don’t believe saying what I am about to say means that I don’t appreciate the fact that I have living children. There are so many people out there that do though, so I want to speak on the matter.

Here it goes… Sometimes parenting living children after burying another really sucks.

There, I said it. And I do not believe this makes me an ungrateful mother.

Related Post: The Truth About Parenting After Loss

It sucks that when your world has been obliterated, you still have to get up and take them to school.

It sucks that on important dates like angelversaries and birthdays, you still have to go on field trips or dance recitals instead of taking time to be alone in your sadness and give your thoughts solely to your baby in heaven.

It sucks that anytime you feel like you can catch your breath, you turn around and you have to console one of them.

It’s not fair that on days where you can hardly breathe you still have to get them to their activities and counseling on time. It feels so wrong to celebrate holidays and birthdays when a major piece of your heart is not here, but you have to. In a way, you feel like you are forced to… For them.

I could go on and on, but I won’t. You get the point by now. It is hard to do all these seemingly simple things. My mind and body are exhausted. All. The. Time. I feel like I am letting all my kids down. All. The. Time.

Related Post: The Pressure of Parenting After Losing a Child

Yes, parenting living children after the loss of another suck. And I do not believe this makes me an ungrateful mom to say this out loud. It is my truth. I have learned to give myself grace on this front because I know my heavenly father has. He sees my struggle. He knows my heart. He knows that all the things that I just listed in that list are the very things that my heart and mind need. He knows and my children know my love for them.

 

Photo Credit: Author’s Own

Originally Published on A Legacy for Liam 

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About the Author: Chloe resides in Nebraska and is married to her high school sweetheart. She has a stepdaughter, two daughters earthside, two angel babies and a son heavenside.