I am a grieving mother. My son died. I know he is physically gone from this world.
Yet I assure you he is not gone.
Let me also say; he is not “looking down, watching over us.”
Don’t tell me he “will always be in our hearts.”
He is not in some faraway place waiting for us to be reunited.
He is right here in the same room where I stand.
When I say that, it is not in the sense of remembering him or keeping his memory alive.
Nor is it wishful thinking.
I promise you it is no grief hallucination.
Related: When I Had to Revisit The Same Room Where My Son Died
My son is still very present in our lives.
I know because he actively sends signs.
Things some would write off as coincidence are pure synchronicity.
His train book blowing a whistle in the backseat, alone.
The lamp in his bedroom was going off and on — his shadow against the wall.
Then there was the time a medium told me about my trip to the airport when the air conditioning went out. I was alone in the car…
or so I thought.
There are so many more. We could spend the entire day talking about it. This isn’t a topic commonly discussed.
Quite honestly, we can sound a little crazy. Until you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to comprehend.
Photo Credit: Melissa Russell
I understand how it sounds when I say I felt his hands on my shoulder, the way he always woke me up in the night.
You think I’m nuts when I tell you he communicates with me using the number 12.
I assure you it is all true.
Related Post: Death Anniversary: The Body Remembers
Grief like this changes you and shifts your perspective.
People wonder how I survive a loss like this.
I can’t give you that answer because I don’t know.
This has become my life and it’s so very different than it used to be.
However, I can certainly tell you I’m not doing it alone.
He is helping me on this journey.
While it may seem to the world like my son is gone, they are wrong.
He is still here.
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Photo Credit: Pexels | CC0 Creative Commons
Emily is a wife and mother to 3 children – 2 girls here 1 son in heaven. Late Christmas Eve (2015) life was sent on a new, unexpected trajectory. Her oldest child, Cameron (forever 7), unexpectedly got sick. Within 24-hours they were making the hardest decision of their lives to withdraw life support. As he died in her arms, she promised to find a way to live on in his honor.
She began sharing her grief journey on her blog (JustPlayingHouse.com), and the response from other bereaved parents was overwhelming. Feedback resonated that the support out there seemed to focus on infant/baby loss and miscarriage versus older children. She felt this was an opportunity and calling to help fill in that gap. Her passion is supporting other bereaved parents walking this path and educating others in an attempt to shatter the stigma surrounding grief and life after child loss. Writing has been the foundation of Emily’s healing, and she is currently working on her first book.
Facebook Page: fb.com/emilyjph
Carmela says
Thank you for this, it’s true they are not gone. We also get signs from our Max especially his sister. He is right there with her guiding her on this journey we surely would not have chosen
Christine says
Love this! I thought about writing my own experience too! Thank you for paving the path.
Beverley says
Thank you for sharing you’re not wrong
Lori says
Love this article, I’ve experienced this very same thing, ongoing as I keep my connection with him front and center amidst daily living on my healing journey.