Blog post

Letter To My New Son (Via Adoption)

November 2, 2018

Dear Sebastian,

Welcome to our family, my sweet boy! We are overjoyed that you are here! The moment we met, we loved you fully and completely.

We have so many stories to tell you. Stories about the life waiting for you at home, the people who have been anxiously awaiting your arrival, about love, and also about loss. Some things won’t be easy to hear, but they are all important to how you came to us. Mommy and Daddy will probably cry often, and we won’t always know what to say or how to say it.

We’ll tell you how a beautiful little girl named Zoey came before you—one with beautiful blue eyes and soft little bunny feet. We fell in love with her in a heartbeat. And our hearts shattered when that same little heart beat for the last time. She died four years ago. We will miss her forever, but she showed us what love is. We also know how complicated it is to explain that you have this sister that you’ll never meet, but we believe she’s watching over you now.

Related: 6 Things To Say (And Not To Say) To An Adoptive Parent

Along the way to you, we had more heartbreak with failed interfertility treatments. Our path eventually led to adoption. We heard about you for the first time when you were just a tiny little thing growing in your birth mom’s tummy. And then we waited. We hoped and we prayed. And now you’re here. And you are our son.

Your own story is about loss as well as love. We know you’ll wonder about your birth mother. And you’ll wonder about your birth father. We know you have biological siblings, and you’ll wonder what life would have been like being raised with them instead.

And we know your birth family has lost you in a way, too. While some of them will know where you are and be part of your life, we know it isn’t the same. It’s hard for us to think about because we know the depth of grief and we know what’s it’s like to miss someone you love.

But we also know this is most of all a story about love and how it can overcome fear. We were afraid to hope for you, but you’re worth every moment of fear and all of the anxiety we felt while waiting for you to come to us. And I’m sure your birth mom was afraid of what placing you in our arms would do to her as well, but she chose us for you out of love. She gave us the most beautiful gift and was willing to choose her own pain so that you could have a life with us.

Related: Living Mindfully Through Infertility and Adoption – An Interview with Lori Holden

Just as quickly as we fell in love with Zoey, we fell in love with you. One heartbeat tells us that love isn’t about genetics. We know you were meant for us.

I don’t know how to explain all of this to you, but we promise to be honest with you. We promise our love for Zoey does not take away from our love for you because love is limitless. And we promise that love always wins.

We love you, sweet Sebastian. We’re thrilled that you’re the next chapter of our story.

Love,
Mom

 

Photo by Laura Fuhrman on Unsplash

  • Dawn Jasper

    Dawn and Joe have been married for nine years. While pregnant with their first child, they learned their daughter, Zoey, would have Trisomy 18. Zoey lived for 120 beautiful days. Dawn blogs about life with Zoey, surviving after loss and, subsequently, their struggle to grow their family at anchoringthewaymires.com.

    {Thoughts}

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