Blog post

Even In Loss, You Are Enough

November 29, 2018

Experiencing pregnancy and infant loss can leave you feeling empty. The holes are filled with guilt, shame, and inadequacy. The cracks in your heart become sealed with failure. And you replay the moment over and over again in your head wondering, “Where did I go wrong?”

As you wrestle with your thoughts all night long, then stare into the mirror with tired eyes, know that you are enough.

When you so desperately want to have a successful pregnancy, hope can be overshadowed by disappointment. Your will to keep trying is met with discouragement, rejection, and doubt. You drive from doctor to doctor seeking help. Then sit in a waiting room surrounded by pregnant bellies wondering, “Will I ever have my chance?”

Related: Secondary Infertility Is Not Secondary

As you sit in the parking lot crying with fears of receiving another negative pregnancy test, then stare into the rearview mirror with tear-stained cheeks, know that you are enough.

When your friends are having baby showers with cute baby announcements, the pictures scrolling across your screen can stir up feelings of resentment. The glare from the filter can highlight your struggle with jealousy, dejection, and unworthiness. As you contemplate how to say congratulations, you look down at your once pregnant belly and whisper, “I wish you were still here.”

Related: Baby Shower After Loss or Infertility: Handling the Happiest Invitation at the Saddest Time

Paralyzed by unfulfilled dreams you sit quietly wondering what could have been, then look up and see your reflection on the screen—know that you are enough.

When your family gathers for the holidays and no one acknowledges your baby who lived for 32 minutes, your anger is personified. The awkward silence infuses your irritation, annoyance, and disgust with others’ lack of understanding. As the kids run around playing and the giggles pierce your ears, you wonder, “Why was my baby’s cry the only sound that I got to hear?”

When you excuse yourself from dinner and retreat to the bathroom to mask the loneliness, know that you are enough.

Even if no one ever validates your pain, know that you are enough.

If your friends never get to celebrate your pregnancy announcement, know that you are enough.

It’s okay if you decide to never try to conceive again, you are enough.

You are so much more than this journey of pregnancy and infant loss.

With every broken piece, you, alone, are enough.

Yes, you are enough!

 

Photo by Sara Rolin on Unsplash

  • Kierra Taplin

    Kierra Sunae’ is an infant loss advocate committed to supporting families on their healing journey of life after infant death. As a wife and mom who has triumphed over tragedy, she is a ray of sunshine determined to make grieving hearts smile again… one footprint at a time.

    {Thoughts}

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