Still Standing Magazine

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • About
    • About The Editor
    • Note from the Founder
  • Write For Us & Our Guidelines
  • Advertise
  • Resources
    • Worldwide Mental Health Hotlines/Resources
    • Expressions of Grief
  • Contact Us
    • FAQs
    • Terms of Use/Privacy
  • FAQs
    • Still Standing Commenting
  • Terms of Use/Privacy

June 19, 2018

Myths Of Child Loss Grief: Time Doesn’t Heal

Allyson Williams

Myths Of Child Loss Grief: Time Doesn’t Heal
       

Time doesn’t heal. It gives you space to find healing. Time can feel like a gift and a thief at the same time. It gives you the opportunity to do the work of filling in some of the gigantic hole left in your heart with peace, yet as it keeps rolling on, it can also feel like it is stealing all that should have been.

I hated when people would tell me to give it time, or when they would say time heals all. Frankly, it isn’t true: time doesn’t heal. I have found healing on this journey, but it wasn’t time that gifted it to me. I had to construct a toolbox, and with time I had a better idea of what tools needed to be in it to survive this. I had to use these tools to relieve the pain, to find peace, to find purpose, and to discover who I was after it all.

Related: Why Time Isn’t A Healer

It was never one thing, and it still isn’t. Personally, I need to write, I need to see a counselor, I need to see a shaman for energetic healing, and I need to feel connected with God. I found different healing with each, and I am not sure how it would have unfolded if I wasn’t able to use each one. None of these tools can be used by someone else doing the work for me. The workload is completely on the grieving, and not even time can fix it.

No two people will have the exact, same recipe to survive. We are each unique just as our circumstances are all unique, and therefore our needs will all be different. But I do believe we all need a toolbox. Grief is exhausting; working your way through it is equally tough work. Grief has so many layers. Once you find some peace with the loss of your baby, there is a whole other layer of work learning to be okay with all of the secondary losses.

Related: When Grief Takes Work And Time

I want to encourage everyone to find their medicine and use it. It could be gardening, running, yoga, crafting, writing, group grief meetings, energetic work, faith, meditation, traditional counselling, or anything else that can lift your vibration and leave you feeling lighter. Listen to your heart and your body—they will tell you what feels right—and then keep doing it. The effects aren’t often immediate; sometimes, you need to sit in the emotions that were brought to the surface and work through them. It is hard work, but you can do it. The hole left may never completely be filled, but peace can fill some of the open space. You can feel lighter, you can welcome joy, and you can still have a lust for life, but it takes work, and we cannot only rely on time to heal.

 

Picture Credit: annca @Pixabay

Allyson Williams

Allyson Williams is a wife and a mother who holds three children in her arms and two in her heart. Her journey to create a family was filled with the highest highs and the lowest of lows. A journey that started with three heart wrenching years of infertility, to the miscarriage of her first son’s twin conceived through IVF and carrying her third son who she knew would die after his birth. This experience has transformed her into a warrior for love and endlessly trying to choose love at every opportunity.

www.alwayschooselove.net https://www.instagram.com/always_choose_love_/

www.alwayschooselove.com

Related


       

Archives

Copyright © Still Standing Magazine, LLC
To inquire on republishing posts or for public use other than social sharing, please contact the editor.
Print for personal use only.
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Previous Post: « New Facets Of Old Grief: It’s Not Just A Dog
Next Post: Social Media After Baby Loss: Who Do You Let In? »

Reader Interactions

{Your Thoughts} Cancel reply

Comments

  1. Kathryn says

    June 21, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    Allyson, I didn’t know about your first loss. I only knew about Teddy.
    I applaud you as a strong, motivated, warrior of love.
    You are an inspiration to countless people that experience the hardships of life and parenting. Although we all have different stories, the connection of love binds us together.

    Reply Report comment

Primary Sidebar

W E L C O M E
Founded in 2012, Still Standing Magazine, LLC, shares stories from around the world of writers surviving the aftermath of loss, infertility - and includes information on how others can help. This is a page for all grieving parents. If you grieve the loss of your child, no matter the circumstances, you are welcome here.
Subscribe To Our New Posts
Advertising
Write For Us
Contact Us
FAQ

Join Our Online Support Group -
T O G E T H E R
  • About
  • Write For Us & Our Guidelines
  • Advertise
  • Resources
  • Contact Us
  • FAQs
  • Terms of Use/Privacy

Footer

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Categories

Recently Posted

  • Ukraine: Bearing Witness In The Grief Of War
  • Lives Lost – The Recent Catastrophic Changes To Cancer Care During Covid-19
  • When You Lose The Person You Love Before They Die
  • Redefining Christmas And The New Year
  • Dear Meghan

Copyright © 2022 · Still Standing Magazine, LLC