Blog post

Nurturing Your Relationship Through Broken Hearts

February 16, 2018

Navigating loss as a couple is not simple. It’s difficult, painful, and lonely. Experiencing the severe loss of a child can rock any relationship to its core. Your grief has changed both of you and it takes time, patience, and grace to get to know each other post-loss. After your heart has been shattered, both of you have to make a conscious effort to fall in love again albeit through broken hearts.

Related: Ways to Survive Loss as a Couple

When you have suffered this devastating loss, reconnecting with your partner can be challenging to say the least. I don’t pretend that a few simple gestures can bring your broken hearts back together or put salve on your open wound. But, you are the only two parents to your baby. You alone are the ones who were planning your life as a family and who love your baby more than life itself. What if a few simple gestures could offer a path back to one another, it’s a first step at least.

This is such a tender time to take care of you AND your partner. It is hard work, to find your way back to each other when grief has pulled you apart. Remembering that you are both suffering a loss can help to be empathetic to each other’s emotions.

Here are some ways to stay connected or to reconnect in the most devastating season of your relationship:

Be gentle with your partner.
Communicate daily.
Attend counseling together.
Listen to one another.
Hug often.
Go on a date.
Write each other love notes.
Cook meals together.
Spend time in nature.
Take a vacation or a staycation.
Find a creative outlet that you can enjoy together.
Identify ways that you both prefer to honor your baby.
Be as intimate as you’re comfortable experiencing.
Forgive each other and yourself.
Be patient.
But mostly, keep showing up with love.

Related: A Lesson of Love

For your relationship to survive, it takes dedication, commitment, patience, and communication from both partners. Remember that you are a team, you are partners in this loss and in this relationship. I hope that you are able to hold onto the love you had for each other, through the shared love for your child, and not allow the depths of your grief to tear you apart. This is not easy.

This transition of your life can take longer to heal than you would expect, so give your relationship the time it needs to find its grounding again.


Photo Credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

  • Amie Lands

    Amie discovered a new appreciation of life after spending only 33 days with her daughter. She now raises 2 sons and takes advantage of every free moment to write, educate, and offer hope to bereaved families. Learn more about the books she has authored, her daughter's non-profit foundation, and Amie's life on her blog.

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