• On Grief and Creativity: Channeling Your Love Momentum

    January 31, 2018

    Recently I was watching the award-winning documentary, Planet Earth. This particular episode featured islands all over the world, one of them being an island of beautifully exotic birds. One short segment showed the various nests built by these different species of birds and how each one was meant to create a place of safety for…

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  • The weight of carrying a baby.

    The Weight of Carrying a Baby – The One That I Lost

    January 31, 2018

    I never understood the weight of carrying a baby, until I had to carry the baby that I lost. Standing at my son’s graveside one afternoon, I remember crying out, “Colby! Baby, please help mommy.” It was a moment of desperation. I needed some relief, but I had run out of solutions. And all that…

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  • My daughter loves choosing flowers for the sister she never met

    The Sister She Never Met

    January 30, 2018

    “Mama” came the little voice from the backseat, “did you know that Ariella died?” It was an ordinary Sunday morning, and my two-year-old daughter could not stop talking about the sister she has never met. Her soft, gentle tone was at odds with the harsh reality of her words. “Mama, Ariella lives in Heaven. We…

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  • Facing Trauma While Grieving

    January 29, 2018

    Since my daughter, Blake, died, I’ve heard the word “trauma” a lot. Therapists have said things like, “…because of all the trauma you’ve experienced…” or “…you’re having a trauma response…”  I decided to google this word and here’s what I saw: The experience of losing a child is actually part of the definition of trauma.…

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  • A New Year Without My Baby

    January 28, 2018

    Dear 2018, You arrived silently at my home at the stroke of midnight.  I knew you were coming, a new year without my baby. I have been aware of it since March 12, 2013.  I’ve dreaded you since that day and the realization of all that time would hold within your 365 days.  Like a…

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  • The Upside Down

    January 28, 2018

    I recently found myself immersed in the wonderful world of “Stranger Things”, my evenings spent with Netflix, streaming a welcome escape from everyday life. It’s a brilliant show in many ways, but I think what I connected with the most was the concept of “the Upside Down”: a world which looks like our world, but…

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  • Does all loss include birth?

    Every Pregnancy Loss Is Birth

    January 27, 2018

    The waves of cramps came, then an urge to push. What emerged from my body mere weeks into my pregnancy did not resemble a child. Yet I wailed over the form because it was my child, or at least as much as I would ever know of her. I felt primal, instinctual, animal-like. My womb…

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