Still Standing

Christmas Without Her

I remember the first Christmas well. We were eight months into our grief journey; I was five months pregnant with the next baby. Looking back I am sure I resembled a rabbit caught in headlights. Having two living children too made me feel incredibly torn.

The Magic


My heart was breaking in so many ways; I wasn’t sure how I was meant to be. Everything around me moved at speed, whilst I walked through at a snail’s pace. There were festivities everywhere, decorations, and the excitement of shopping. All I felt was guilt. I wanted to keep it as normal as possible for my children, but I was hurting and missing our daughter; celebrating a family event seemed overwhelming when there was this tiny human missing. I felt so numb.

The children had already had their hearts broken by the loss of their baby sister; I wasn’t going to rip the Christmas magic from them. From that year we decided we would make the festive season EXTRA special; I would throw myself into a lot of new traditions and activities for them. The first Christmas became our first Christmas as a new family, a family where we had things in our home in memory of; a visit to a graveside, to make us feel near to Melody.

Here are a few things I personally found helpful over the Christmas period, from that year onwards.



If I cry it doesn’t mean you have hurt me, or that you have reminded me of her. Because I won’t forget, but just occasionally it hurts my heart enough to tear up.

But that’s okay.

Do whatever YOU as a family need to do to get through the holiday period; because we all know how different these days should have been.

Merry Christmas my little girl.


Photo Credit J.Scott