Healing through Creativity

September 15, 2017
I started practicing Calligraphy right before I became pregnant and during my pregnancy. It’s actually what I was doing when my entire world changed. I had stayed home from work to see the doctor because I hadn’t been feeling well. Before my appointment I was in the living room practicing my calligraphy. A few hours later I started bleeding and well, I’ve talked about that part of my journey already. And well, now I’m here.
Somehow I’m not scarred. I still find calligraphy and drawing very soothing. It’s something that I’ve never good at. I never had the patience to try to draw something. Or much patience for anything really, not until after I lost my son.
Although I am not a mother of a living child and although I may not really know what motherhood is like, I feel like I was blessed with some patience. Patience that all mothers must have to not go mad.

I may not have my son with me but I believe in my heart that my son gave me a gift to enjoy in his absence.

I never would’ve imagined being able to draw the things i have drawn. Every time I draw, I do it for him.

I draw things that make me think of my son. For instance, before we lost him I had gotten it into my head that his favorite color was green. I’m not sure how I came up with this but it was something I felt within me. (This was after we were told that my pregnancy was not viable) Well, I had my son in May. May’s birthstone happens to be emerald. I try to see the beauty in such an awful situation. I feel as though it was maybe a sign from my son. It’s hard to be able to enjoy memories because I feel like people are so hurt when you talk about your stillborn son. This way my drawings are like me talking about my son but without everyone freaking out about it.
Anatomical hearts is one of the things I draw. My son had a problem with his heart which caused problems with the pregnancy.  I even have a heart tattoo in honor of him. When I draw I feel him watching over me. Watching what I draw, I feel him the most at this time. It heals me.
We all need to escape from reality for a little bit. I encourage everyone who suffers from a loss to try something new. Something for yourself. Something that helps clear your mind. It could be anything from knitting to riding a bike more, to taking a walk to just admiring nature and soaking it’s beauty in. We all need self therapy. We all need something positive in our lives.

While their absence will always hurt, try to find that gift they left behind for us.

It’s deep within us, I promise. Feel it, embrace it, and enjoy it.

Feel free to please share with everyone what you do to heal or to remember the child you’ve lost.




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    Jeanette Esquivel

    Jeanette is an angel mom to Gustavo Noel and a wife turned artist. Drawing and writing about her experience in her blog became her way of coping. Her goal is to touch people and help them through the battle of life after stillbirth. All she wants to do is be the person her son would be proud of.


    • Amy Lied


      September 15, 2017 at 10:47 am

      After my son was stillborn, my husband (and family) bought me a piano. I can’t play but always wanted to and always wanted a piano. Asher gave me the chance to accomplish this dream of mine. I try to learn songs that I can play and sing for him because he is the reason for it. Glad drawing gives you peace. <3

      1. Jeanette Esquivel

        Jeanette Esquivel

        September 20, 2017 at 4:29 pm

        Wow Amy that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing! <3

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