Still Standing

The Healing Power of Music

I can still remember sitting in my hospital bed shortly after holding our first born son for the first and last time all at once.  My mind was spinning in about a hundred different directions.  I had a million questions.  But I kept coming back to this song.  I kept searching my phone.  I knew I had it somewhere.  I kept saying the words under my breath.  I needed to hear it.

I needed to breathe in its words and know that I was going to be okay.

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour

  – Natalie Grant, Held

There has always been something about music.

There is a comfort there.  The melody, the lyrics, the familiar rhythm.  I desperately searched YouTube trying to find that one song that I thought would calm my mind and my soul for just a moment.  No one in the room with me could understand my need to hear music at the moment, but I did.  I needed it as much as I needed anything else right then.  I just needed to hear a familiar song,  I needed to hear the words, I needed to sing along through tears and with a broken voice, but I needed it.

Music became a very important part of my healing process.

Over the next several months and years I found many songs that I have played on repeat.  I play them on the days when the missing gets too hard.  I play them on the days that I feel alone.  I play them when I just need to feel close to him again.

Songs about loss and songs of hope became a very important part of my journey.

I discovered that there were so many songs that had been written about loss.  Christian music singer, Steven Curtis Chapman, had even written an entire album, Beauty Will Rise, after the loss of his young daughter.  But I needed to hear more than just songs about loss.  I needed songs that gave me hope.  I created a playlist.  I still listen to it frequently.  I add to it when I hear a song that reminds me of my son. It’s part of my own self-created therapy. My list includes several faith-based songs, as well as many that aren’t. There are songs that speak directly of losing a child, songs that speak of loss in general, and then are just songs that bring hope and help encourage my heart on those days when I need it the most.

My Playlist

What songs are on your healing playlist?