For your birthday I am baking a cake

August 22, 2017

I have baked a cake for every birthday your siblings had, so yours should not be any different. There is no one to help me decide what kind of cake I am making, no preferences to follow.

For your brother’s first birthday I made a blueberry cake, he had a green airplane candle holder for his first candle. Your sister’s was a raspberry cheese cake with a yellow flower candle holder. I wish I knew your preference and didn’t need to make the choice all by myself. There is no diet to follow, no foods to avoid, no paying attention to what foods you have already tried and what new not to include.

But still, I am going to bake a cake… and we will celebrate.

Your brother and sister will blow out a candle, your first candle, and we will cut the cake and share it with our friends. We have people visiting, friends that have been there for your brother’s first birthday and your sister’s, it is so suiting that they are here for yours. And we will take pictures, many pictures, of the cake, of us – our family and we will keep them in your memory box that we will start building on your first birthday.

Your brother and sister will write you a letter or draw you a picture that will find a place in the memory box too, that will be our new tradition, your tradition. We will visit your memory place and light a candle there too. We will talk about you, what you would be like, what toys you would prefer, what your first words would have been. We will remember you, honor you by talking about you like we always do, every day.

If I need to, I will cry, I will cry all day if I need to… even if that is when I am making your cake.

The void that should be filled with your presence is so vast sometimes I just need to cry. I miss you every minute of my day. I will miss you while baking your cake, I will miss you while watching your siblings blow out your candle and I will miss you when we celebrate. I will miss your giggles, your babble, your hugs and you wet kisses.

For your birthday I am baking a cake. I think you would like a vanilla strawberry cake, so I will just make a vanilla strawberry cake. I will find a perfect candle holder for your first candle, we will light it and celebrate you.

Guest post by Tina S.


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