My Baby Died and Now 13 weeks Later I Have a New Struggle

June 3, 2017
I am awake.  It’s the middle of the night.  It’s 13 weeks since my baby Francesca was born, apparently healthy and well, and then died suddenly 4 hours later.  I’ve had immense support and love from friends and family since that day. Now 13 weeks later I have a new struggle.

I am a broken vase.

One moment all was well, and the next smashed into pieces.  Completely broken.  Need to try and put back together, but so many pieces – where to begin?
Slowly the pieces are picked up, and we try to sort them.  Friends and family help.  This is a big task, the vase is really broken, can it be repaired?  All hands to the deck.
Carefully pieces are glued together, and eventually something resembling a vase begins to appear.  Pieces all seem to be in their place.  There are a few chips that broke off into tiny crumbs and were not able to be repaired, those bits are gone forever.  But if we turn the vase around, you can’t see the chips.  And if you stand back, it looks good.  From a distance it looks like before.  The cracks are barely noticeable.
Oh good say my friends we’ve helped the vase get better.  Oh good say the family the vase is back to normal. As a result, the vase is put back on the shelf as before, before it was suddenly smashed. After all, it’s okay now.

But look closely my friend, and you will see my cracks, for they are permanent.

As will that chip, it’s permeating permanence, for the bits missing are gone forever.  The vase is the same, but different.  And right now, well my glue hasn’t quite set.  I am a fragile vase.  I know I look okay, but I could easily crack again.

So please, be gentle with me.

Please give me some more time, some more support.  Remember I am a vase that got really really broken. My glue will take time to set. I am so grateful that you helped me glue the pieces together, I really couldn’t have done it without you. But when I hear you say I’m okay now, inside I scream not really.  Because despite the fact I look like an “okay” vase please know, this vase is still standing, but only just.
Guest post by Lisa Weller
Interested in writing for Still Standing Magazine? Submit an article here.

  • Prev Post Next Post