A Missing Piece

April 18, 2017

My mother’s ring is one of my favorite pieces of jewelry. A gift from my husband, years ago when our boys were still young. It was a surprise for many reasons, one being that it came on ordinary day, not a special occasion. The other because I knew he had to pre-order, so it wasn’t his usual last-minute rush.

Every time I look down at this ring, I’m filled with a mixture of emotions.  Loved.  Grateful.  Blessed.  Proud.

A band of gold inlaid with diamonds and gemstones, the ring never leaves my hand. The boy’s stones, both red but one a darker, deeper shade, frame the outside. Mine and my husband’s stones hug the center. More than a mother’s ring, one that represents our family. Since three of us share shades of red, he chose to separate each stone with diamonds.

The end result is shimmering and patriotic, catching the eye of many through the years. Most are either surprised it is a mother’s ring or assume I have a slew of kids when they comment.  I used to light up when people would ask, thrilled for the opportunity to share about the boys and our family.  It’s different – harder now.

Some time after our oldest son passed, one of the diamonds fell out. Though I keep meaning to get it repaired, I also don’t want to be without it on my hand. Today the symbolism of the missing stone hit me.

For so long the ring represented our happy family of four. Connected, woven together in a circle, never to be broken. Until it was.

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The hole on my ring now visibly shows how we feel after the loss. Together but forever an empty spot.  Darkness among the light.

No matter how strong or healed, we’ll forever have a void where Austin was. In the milestones and moments we share, all of us pause at some point and wish he was here to experience it with us.  That will never change because our love for him will never end.  And so, the stone may stay empty.  Incomplete.  A missing piece.  Until we’re whole again.

  • Heather Blair

    In 2008, my world as I knew it changed forever, with the sudden loss of our 14-year-old son, Austin. The journey to my blog (and attitude toward life) was bumpy and tearful, beginning at a memorial blog for my son. I later chose to take another path, challenging myself to find the JOY in every day, despite the sadness I still felt. I love and miss him daily but I'm living my life to honor him - and celebrating every moment it brings. My goal...to find and share the joy in every day. You can find me at Joyful Challenge


    • Adrienne

      April 20, 2017 at 2:25 pm

      How profound. I cannot imagine the loss that you felt and continue to feel at the loss of Austin. I also have a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old son, and my heart truly goes out to you. I will be reading your blog from start to finish.

    • Carrol October (South Africa)

      April 21, 2017 at 8:55 am

      Thanks Heather for sharing, yes the void will always remain.
      We lost our 14 year old son 9 months ago, it is a hole and will never be filled.

      God bless you and your family.

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