Dealing With Ignorance After Pregnancy Loss

September 7, 2016

“Don’t stress and it will happen.”

“You’ve gotten pregnant once so you’ll get pregnant again.”

“Everything will happen when the time is right.”

I heard this several times when trying to get pregnant. I never understood how that was supposed to help. It’s like telling an angry woman to calm down. Watch out, especially if you are a man. Over time you grow accustomed to the ignorant comments because they are just that.

After I had my daughter 14 weeks premature I was very bitter towards pregnant women who complained. I couldn’t understand how women could complain to ME about weight gain, lack of sleep, or being kicked in the ribs when all I wanted was to still be pregnant instead of staring at my baby in a plastic box.

This was only exacerbated when I went through my fertility issues.

I found myself hiding or unfriending many people on Facebook because I could not stand the complaining.

All I wanted was to be a mother again. To have another shot at going full term. I couldn’t understand how these women didn’t see how good they had it.

After I had my second daughter 7 weeks premature I had a family member come visit me in my post-partum room. She told me that she had informed her son that I had my baby and she was only 4lbs 4oz. To which he replied, “Wow, what’s wrong with these people?” Apparently she thought it was hilarious.

For some reason I wasn’t mad that she obviously didn’t have a filter. I felt like more of a disappointment because I knew that’s what everyone was thinking.

But I had to push that out of my mind and realize even through our story isn’t picture perfect, it’s ours. I shouldn’t feel the need to justify myself- or my uterus.

Right before I got pregnant I got the best advice I think I have ever gotten. “You need to stop comparing yourself to what others have and you don’t because if you do that in life you’ll never win.”

One day I’m going to sit down and have a serious chit chat with our maker on all kinds of things, this being one of them. As for now, being bitter isn’t going to change ignorance. All I can do is accept and embrace my story even if it’s not the way I would’ve written it.

Really, what else is there to do?

I’ve met some incredible people who helped me get my babies here and those that can relate to my story. It was worth every moment of heartache, even if my neighbor never has or never will know that pain.

And I’m not saying I’m perfect.

I have my days that I laugh at the thought of the girl who is 35 weeks pregnant taking castor oil.

Hoping it does nothing but give her one hell of a date with her toilet. And hoping that same girl will go overdue just for karma’s sake.

Or that same person that told me to “relax and you’ll get pregnant” will take more than a few months to conceive just to humble her into submission.

With a lot of rough days behind me, I feel that for the most part I choose to embrace my story even with all its imperfections. I may never get my take home baby or conceive on the first shot but I have a lot of life experience that shows me just how blessed I am to be a mother and that’s something I refuse to take for granted. That is one thing I can control and I’m finally at peace with that.

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