July 27, 2016

My body failed me.

It was raw autumn afternoon in 2009 and there was a chill in the air. Maybe it was the change in seasons. Or maybe it was the universe cluing me in.

Our daughter wouldn’t make it.

I was 20 weeks pregnant.

She was our first baby and suddenly our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future were whipped around in that crisp fall air and blown away in an instant.

Even I, her own mother, couldn’t protect our first born child. Day after day, I’d sit and question the words I read and heard over and over again about how the womb is supposed to be a safe haven for creation. A place for a precious child to live and grow and thrive for 9 months.

Why then, did I fail to create a beautiful new life?  Losing our Bella Rose made me question everything. About life, about death, and about the journey between.

Coming home without a baby left me with an emptiness so intense that the only thing I knew to do was to fill the void with the birth of another kind of creation. If my body wouldn’t allow me to produce, my hands would. I picked up the camera I was supposed to use to take Bella’s baby photos and instead constructed beautiful imagery from sadness. I captured the deep feelings of hurt and loneliness buried beneath the surface of day to day living. And slowly I began the ascent from darkness back to light.

Bella’s light lives on today.

Through the lens of my camera – her camera – is new world that shines brightly and guides me on the journey to create my beautifully broken life.

It’s the lessons I learned while behind the lens that I now teach in my online class especially for the bereaved mother, Illuminate: Lighting the Path to Photographic Healing These are the lessons that brought me to new levels of coping, understanding, healing after our loss.

This experience of losing your baby can be so lonely and so isolating. This class will bring you together with women from all over the globe who are still hurting and still remembering just like you are.

Together we’ll make a visual legacy of your child and process your emotions using a camera as your guide.

Want to join in?

The next round of the 5-week Illuminate e-course will begin September 5th, 2012.

This is the last time I’ll be offering this class for awhile (I’m packing it away until at least summer of 2013) so if you’ve been thinking about joining up, now is the time.

Want to learn more or officially register.

Just click HERE.

I’m ready and waiting to guide you on a journey to remembering your baby in a beautiful new light.

  • I believe in feeding the spirit with lifelong learning, photographic healing, and a glass half full perspective. I'm a coffee addict and an iPhone junkie who thrives on sunshine and light. I look to the sky to feel closer to my first born angel and feel her warmth. You can find me on facebook, twitter, and my blog where I'll nourish your mind, body, & soul with photography tips and inspiration.

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